a potter's hands

i was listening to a podcast today. actually, i was listening to a couple podcasts: one on the gospels and one on marriage. the gospel one is the one i’d like to focus on for the moment (though the marriage one will play in here a bit).

the podcasts were from solid rock church in portland, oregon. the gospels one started out with looking at the entirety of the gospel, or the “good news”…i.e. the entire Bible. and they started with creation. the guy who was speaking said that God created all the creatures of the earth. God made adam the head of the creatures, the dude in charge. adam was the one who gave all the other creatures names and was put there to take care of the garden and everything inside the garden. now when mr. podcast guy was talking about this, i started getting this mental image…let me try to paint that image for you.

picture this.

you’ve got a guy (i’ll give you a hint -- that’s God). well God decides one day that He wants to show off His creativity, His power. He wants to create. so He makes this world, because that’s definitely what most people do when they want to be creative…they create an entire universe. but He’s God, He can do whatever He wants. so He creates a world.

now try to picture Him. i pictured him as an older gentlemen with a kind face and a big white tunic (yes stereotypical i know but go with me here) and a leather apron. now that we’ve pictured God, picture Him standing above a wooden table. He’s creating, molding things out of clay. now i pictured Him creating all of the creatures: hand-placing the spots on the giraffes, making the puppy tails, smoothing out the cat whiskers, etc. and then He comes to us. God created man in His own image, and He created male and female. He put His own personal touch and creativity on everything, He made everything unique.

now if you made something that you poured your energy and creativity into, i’m assuming that you would really like it. in fact you would most probably love it, care about it, want the best for it. meaning you wouldn’t just let some schmuck come in and steal your creation, or damage your creation. you would protect it, make sure that no harm could come to it and that it wouldn’t break. that’s how I imagined God feeling about His creation. He made us, unique and different, and created each of us and knows us personally (psalm 139). i mean if we feel that way, then how much more does the One who created us feel that way? we are His, we belong to Him. He loves us, and wants the best for us (jeremiah 29:11). we are His creation.

but then something happened that God had known about, but it wasn’t a part of His perfect plan. He created us to live in relationship with Him, and be with Him. we were created for relationship, that’s part of the reason we crave relationship so much. the reason eve was even created was because God said that it was not good for adam to be alone, so He made eve. we were created for relationship, and for relationship with God. but then sin entered the picture. sin creates a wall between us and God, it impacts us and says that we cannot live with Him. its like a black goop…it permeates our lives in everything. if we let it, it will push God and His goodness out of our lives.

so. God intervened. He knew that sin wouldn’t allow us to be with Him, or experience Him in His fullness like we were created to. sin was a barrier, it was a gap. so God sent His son to earth. now this is the part i want you to get. God sent His son to earth. this is kinda one of those monumental life-changing moments. without Jesus, we would all be going to hell because of sin. sin had invaded our lives so much that we needed something to atone for our sin, because God and sin can’t live in the same room (essentially). if God hadn’t sent Jesus, we would be going to hell. I mean c’mon now, we deserve hell because we rejected God, we said no to Him, we gave into temptation. and that choice changed man-kind. it allowed the sin nature to join our human nature. it was separation from God. and so, God in His grace and mercy, sent Jesus to earth.

think about when you were little. you know when you stole that cookie off the counter, you would usually get punished for it right? like no dessert for the rest of the day or go to your room till dad gets home (always hated that one) or something. well what if someone stepped in and said “i’ll go to her room instead”, or “let me not have dessert for the rest of the day”, you would be blown away because why would someone step in to take the punishment for something that they didn’t do? You know that you deserve the punishment, because you did the wrong thing and that other person was completely innocent, and so they don’t deserve it. but because that person loved you so much, they were willing to take the punishment for you. you would feel so loved and valued and special after that, to think that someone cared that much about you? that is basically what Jesus did for us. He stepped in and said “let me die for him so that he doesn’t have to. yes I know he deserves it, but let me pay that price because I love him”. okay. do you even fully understand what this means? it means we don’t have to die. just take a second to think about that. we. dont. have. to. die. someone who loves us so very much was willing to take our death for us. 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

but here’s the deal. i don’t know if we ever even realize that. i know i take it for granted sometimes. being raised in a christian household, the concept of “Jesus died to take away my sins” is so known that i could say it in my sleep. no big deal. but when you actually think about it, yes it is a big deal. and it makes me wonder, do i actually believe it? do i really believe that Jesus died to take away my sins? really? because i think if i did i would live my life a little bit differently. when you put your life in the light of God and His grace and mercy, it makes you realize something…at least it makes me realize something. and that is that i only exist [one] because of God and His grace, and [two] i only need to live my life to praise Him. that’s it. that. is. it. then why don’t i live my life like that? why don’t i live my life for the glory of Him? why don’t i live my life telling everyone about the One who saved me from death? do i really believe what i claim to believe? do you? and does anyone else know that? live in the grace and freedom you have been given and claim it as your life. because when we pledge our life to Him, He dang well better be our life. 

שתיקה

"i cried out to God for help; i cried out to God to hear me. when i was in distress, i sought the Lord; at night i stretched out untiring hands and my soul refused to be comforted. i remembered you, o God, and i groaned; i mused, and my spirit grew faint. You kept my eyes from closing; i was too troubled to speak. i thought about the former days, the years of long ago; i remembered my songs in the night. my heart mused and my spirit inquired: will the Lord reject forever? will He never show his favor again? has His unfailing love vanished forever? has His promised failed for all time? has God forgotten to be merciful? has He in anger withheld His compassion? then i thought, 'to this i will appeal: the years of the right hand of the Most High.' i will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, i will remember your miracles of long ago. i will mediate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds. your ways, O God, are holy. what god is so great as our God? you are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples." psalm 77:1-14

i've been thinking a lot lately about silence. i remember my choir director once told me that even silence is singing. you don't have any noise coming out, but it is still very much a part of singing. without silence, people would just continue to sing and sing and sing. but composers write silence into their works, to give their piece body and character, to give it a certain feeling. it gives you a time to reflect. a time to think. a time to be left alone to your thoughts. silence is as much a part of music as the notes are. and silence is as much a part of our lives as the noisy or busy parts are.

there are many times recently in my life that i have asked and asked and prayed and prayed and pleaded and pleaded for direction in my life, for some sort of answer concerning something, and yet God remains silent. and i'm not going to lie, that can be super frustrating. there are passages that say "ask and it will be given". well my reaction, if i were to be honest, is usually "God, i'm asking, and you aren't responding or giving or anything. a little help would be nice, thank you very much". i know that's probably not the Christian response or the Biblical one or anything. but that's how i feel sometimes.

but here's the deal. just like silence is as much a part of music as the singing is, silence is just as much a part of  speaking as the actually speaking part.

here's what i love about king david. kind david was chosen by God to be king, and it is so evident in so many ways how God spoke to him, how God used him, how God was working in david's life. yet david still made so many mistakes. the above passage was actually written by him. now you wouldn't think that someone like david would feel that God was distant and silent. but he did, and he wrote it down here. in the first part of the psalm, he explained his frustration and his irritation. he said how he was feeling. i cried out to God for help; i cried out to God to hear me. when i was in distress, i sought the Lord. will the Lord reject forever? will He never show his favor again? david was lost. david was confused. he didn't understand why God would be silent. he too wondered and questioned. but then he ends it with a solution, with something to do. while i think david was about as distressed and frustrated as i sometimes am, he came up with a solution (and normally i don't...i just remain distressed and frustrated). he said that in the times where he feels God is distant and stagnant, then he will choose to remember how God worked long ago. that he will remember the deeds of the Lord from long ago. that he will choose to still praise God.

i guess my purpose in writing this was to share that passage with you. i can't write it much better than david did, so i will just let the passage speak. but i challenge you, like i will be challenging myself, to remember God's faithfulness in times of silent. we never know why He is silent, or maybe He isn't silent at all but He's just not speaking the way we were expecting. but nonetheless, He will always be faithful. so remember how He has worked in your life, and how He has spoken. and then wait expectantly for Him to speak again. but maybe He orchestrates those times of silence for us to reflect on His work in our lives, i don't really know. but i do know this: that God has a plan for our lives, plans not to harm us but give us a hope and a future and that he works all things together for the good of those who love Him. He works in our lives for His glory. in the end, i am confident that He will be glorified, even if it takes times of silence.

la vérité de Dieu

"for they exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. amen." - Romans 1:25 NASB

i was reading through romans yesterday and came across this verse. now i've read romans probably close to twenty times in my lifetime, and i could have sworn that i've never read this verse before. i must have, because i have read this chapter. in fact the verse was underlined, so yes, i have read it before. but i never have thought about it. what does it mean to exchange the truth of God for a lie? and why did that resonate so much in my heart?

i've been wrestling with a lot of doubt lately, though i think that every one does at some point in their college career. i think, overall, the biggest doubt that has crossed my mind in the past year is this: why am i alive. which stems into almost a million and one sub-doubts, like did God really create me with a purpose, does He really love me, why am I here, what am I supposed to be doing, is God really working in my life, is God really directing my life, does he really have a plan? i'm sure you each have your own sub-doubts you could add to this. a friend told me a couple days ago that he knew he was exactly where God wanted him to be right now. who knows about the future, but for right now he was sure he was where he was supposed to be. and it got me thinking: am i where God wants me to be right now?

lets look at the word truth.

truth

   [trooth]  Show IPA

noun

1.

the true or actual state of a matter

2.

a verified or indisputable fact, proposition, principle, or the like

3.

the state or character of being true.

4.

actuality or actual existence.

now truth actually stems from the word true.

true

   [troo]  Show IPA 

adjective

1.

being in accordance with the actual state or conditions;conforming to reality or fact; not false

2.

real; genuine; authentic

3.

sincere; not deceitful

4.

firm in allegiance; loyal; faithful; steadfast

5.

being or reflecting the essential or genuine character of something

so truth is real, genuine, authentic, sincere, not deceitful. 

one of the biggest ways that i think the devil gets to people is through lies, especially to women. even in the last week i can think of many lies i myself have thought, as well as many lies i have heard. lies like i'm not good enough, not pretty/handsome enough, not smart enough, i don't have enough friends, i'm not very talented, i'm not that cool, God can't use me, i've done too much to be used by God, i'm not **insert qualification here**;. so then we take those lies and start to believe them. but the lies work like little bulldozers: they tear down the walls made out of truths. but the more they tear down the more energy and power they gain, because the walls of truth are getting shorter and shorter and can't keep very many lies out. then they replace the walls made of truth with walls made of lies. 

i remember last week thinking that God didn't really have a plan for my life. i mean, how could He? i'm not incredibly smart, and i can't play sports to save my life, and i have so many heart issues that i can't seem to deal with - so why in the world would He have a plan for me. however, God's truth says that He knows the plans He has for me, and they are plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me a hope and a future (jeremiah 29:11). but as soon as i started to even contemplate the devil's lie, i began to exchange God's truth for a lie. 

how about dealing with self worth? not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not the right hair, etc. well the truth of God says that you are fearfully and wonderfully made (psalm 139:14). exchanging the truth of beauty for a lie.

the lie that God doesn't really love you or want to bless you? it is God's desire to lavish his love on you (1 john 3:1) and he will rejoice over you with singing (zephaniah 3:17) for you are his treasured possession (exodus 19:5) exchanging the truth of love for a lie.

what about thinking that God will never use your desires, that He won't give you a job you actually enjoy? that you are destined to doing what you don't like? it is God who gave you the desires (philippians 2:13, ephesians 3:20) and he created you with them. exchanging the truth of creativity for a lie.

you've done too much for Him to love/use you? He is not counting your sins (2 corinthians 5:18-19) and there is nothing that can seperate you from His love (romans 8:38-39) exchanging the truth of forgiveness for a lie.

we exchange the truth of God for a lie almost all the time. but thats actually really stupid. because were taking the words of the devil, someone who is know for lying and stealing and cheating and there are countless accounts of his deceit in the Bible, to replace God's word, someone who is faithful and true, who never lies, who has never given us a reason not to believe him. if you think about it, its really stupid.

final thing: context. 

"for since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse. for even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks, but they became futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart was darkened...therefore God gave them over in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, so that their bodies would be dishonored among them. for they exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. amen...and just as they did not see fit to acknowledge God any longer, God gave them over to a depraved" (romans 1:20-21, 24-25, 28)

exchanging the truth of God for a lie is not a measly matter. it is actually quite ghastly. because these people exchanged God's truth for a lie, they dug themselves a dugout in the heart of the devils deceit and eventually God just gave them over to the deceit. 

so i guess that the reason for writing this is just for encouragement. to encourage anyone who is struggling with the devil's lies to pursue God's truth. and to take captive that truth and believe that instead of the lies. God is a God of truth. and He desires for you to live in truth, and not be held captive by lies.

the truth will set you free. 

***many of the scripture references above came from this publication: father's love letter *** Father's Love Letter used by permission Father Heart Communications © 1999-2011 www.FathersLoveLetter.com

it's all about love.

i had to write a response paper for a class session in my 'foundations for educational ministry' class, so this is what i wrote. i actually really liked it and thought it had some good points, so i thought i would share it here. lemme know what you think :)

We talked quite a bit on Friday about the concept of love. This is actually a concept that I have thought quite a bit about on my own. And I don’t think that the world realizes that love, or the lack of love, can shape a person’s entire lifetime. You’re experience with love can change your life for the better of for the worse. I once knew a girl. Her name was Ellie. When I met her, she was 18 and a high-school drop-out. She was the girl who stood in the corner with a huge sweatshirt to hide the scars that marked up her arms. She had so many war stories; you could fill an entire set of books. She was a girl, who as a child had never felt love. Actually, throughout her entire life she had never felt love. Her parents were around but they cared more about her just being a good kid then trying to help her deal with her problems. She didn’t have many real friends; girls just stayed to manipulate her, and boys just took advantage of her. I can’t even count how many times I would receive texts saying goodbye. Ellie fully believed that to die was better than to live without love. And honestly, I believe that that is true to some extent. To live without love is miserable. But here’s the deal. We aren’t called to live without love. Christ gave us the ultimate love. He is our love, and we are His. Why do we try to live without something that has been freely given to us? We don’t have to live without it. “God demonstrated His own love for us in this: that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). Christ loves us more than we could ever explain. We are His, we are precious to Him, we are His bride. He loves us so that we can share His love with others. However, if that’s the case, then why do so many people still feel unloved? If it is our sole responsibility to love others and share Jesus’ love with them, then why do people like Ellie feel so unloved that they feel it is better to die than to keep on living? Is it possible at all to share Jesus’ love with so many people that their experience and opinion of love could begin to change? We discussed in class how people, especially in their formative JH/HS years want to be esteemed. They want to be valued. They want to be important. We are important to Jesus. Every woman, every man, every boy, every girl – they are all important to Jesus. Because He made them. He created them. He knit them together in their mothers’ wombs (Psalm 139).  If God values and esteems every single person, then why can’t we? Why can’t we find it in ourselves to see others how God sees them?

I also knew another girl. Her name was Noelle. Noelle grew up in a Christian home. Both of her parents loved Jesus very much, and they loved her. Even though she dealt with a lot of fear and doubt during the JH/HS years, her parents continued to love her through it all. They showed her that they cared even when she was struggling with really hard things. They showed her that even when she made them mad or sad, they still loved her and were always there to help her. Because of their constant love for Noelle, she was able to make it through these trials and come out a conqueror. But I know that the only reason that Noelle did make it out victorious is because of her parent’s love for her.

Two different experiences, yet they both stem from the same concept: love.

We all have different experiences with love. But our experiences with love will shape our lives. And I really want to issue a challenge right now. What would happen if those who claimed to follow Jesus really took that claim seriously, and they followed Him in His example of love? If they purposed to love anyone and everyone that crossed their path in a given day. If they purposed to be the hands and feet of our precious Jesus, and to demonstrate His love to all the hurting, all the broken, all the lost. If we purposed to love, and to solely love like Jesus, we could do incredible things. So this begs the question: why don’t we?

sovereignity

"all of my life, in every season. you are still God, i have a reason to sing, i have a reason to worship"


wednesday morning i woke up randomly at like 7 am...it was kinda an odd thing. but what was even more odder (yes i know those probably aren't words but i'm going to use them anyways) was that as i was starting to fall back asleep, i thought i heard crying from next door. i climbed out of bed and walked to the room next door and as i was about to knock on the door, my neighbor (we're going to call her Sister for the purposes of this story) walked out with tears running down her face. come to find out, her grandma had died early that morning. now Sister and her grandma we're super close, and this loss was extremely hard for her. she cried for a while, and told me memories of her grandma from when she was little. and then she said something i didn't expect. she told me that even though this was a horrible loss, it couldn't have happened on a better day. i was amazed that in the midst of her fear and sadness and grief, she was able to say that it couldn't have happened on a better day. and here's why. wednesday was a day called the "common day of learning", which basically means we had no class. nothing. so that was reason number one. reason number two is that her aunt (related to the grandma who had gone home to Jesus) was coming in at ten to hang out with her. this had been planned before grandma had gone home. reason number three was that her best friend was coming up around 3 that afternoon. that also had been planned before grandma had gone home. so Jesus had put distractions in place before Sister even knew she needed to be distracted. incredible no? well, that's not all. wednesday night was group, which is SPU's weekly worship meeting. the theme of wednesday's meeting was remembrance and how to make stones of remembrance. i thought of all of the memories that Sister had shared with me that morning and how she had been remembering her grandma, and now we were learning about remembrance. and then, to top of the day, group staff closed out the night with a song called "in Your city" and here's the lyrics. "oh the glorious day when we arrive and Heaven's gates are opened wide. all our fear and pain will fade away when we see You face to face, our great and awesome King. You will reign in brilliant light, forever glorified in Your city. and we, your daughters and your sons will see Your kingdom come in Your city." (phil wickham). i just sat there, smiling like ear to ear. it would be like Jesus to close out a night of worship with a song about His home, about Heaven, about the place where He had just taken Sister's grandma. her grandma was there, grandma was seeing His brilliant light, and seeing His city glorified. grandma didn't have to wait anymore. grandma was there. how incredible, no?

Jesus works in wonderful ways. He knows what is going on. He has His plans. and He works things out in ways that we could never ever ask for. i can't even put in to words how His sovereignty has been shown in my life in the last two months. i once heard a quote that goes like this: "God is sovereign, so i don't have to be in control. God is glorious, i don't have to fear others. God is holy, i don't have to look anywhere else for satisfaction. God is gracious, so i don't have to prove myself."

rest in the sovereignty of the God.

"to man belong the plans of the heart, but from the Lord comes the reply of the tongue. all a man's ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the Lord. commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. the Lord works out everything for his own ends - even the wicked for a day of disaster" (proverbs 16:1-4)

when i was little, i used to get really stressed about things. actually, who am i kidding. i still get really stressed out about things. and i would worry that Jesus would ask me to do something that i couldn't handle. i would look at a situation and say "there's no possible way i can do this". in essence i was saying "Jesus, you set me up for failure." and whenever i would start to think this, my mom would remind me that Jesus would never give me anything i couldn't handle. and this is a trustworthy saying. think about it. Jesus will never give you something you can't handle. He may give you things that stretch you, things that push you to the edge - but never things that break you, things that push you over the edge. God is sovereign. He is in everything. He has power over everything.

looking back over those trials that i thought were impossible at the time, i can see God's fingerprints in the situation, His constant weaving ribbon of hope and guidance and sovereignty in all of those. i can see His careful orchestration and direction. He was always there. He is always there. He will be always there. and He was working things out for the good of those who love Him.

one of the things about christianity that makes it different is that we believe in a relational, all-powerful God.back to the song quote from the beginning of this post "all of my life, in every season. you are still God, i have a reason to sing, i have a reason to worship". through every situation, He is still God. it's not like we get into a difficult situation and God goes "whoops, this is too hard. you go ahead and take the reigns on this one".  thank the Lord He doesn't do that. He is bigger than all of our issues. but the question is, can we trust Him? are you willing to have faith in the fact that He is indeed sovereign and bigger than our problems? because He is. He is bigger. we could take it back to veggie tales and say "God is bigger than the boogie man...". because that is a trustworthy saying. He is bigger than our problems. He is stronger than our fear. He is sovereign.

so i ask you: can you join me in the quest to let go of control, to let Him be the sovereign God He is?

so cute i HAD to post

a lady from my church sent the following text to my mom:

Joe (elementary schooler) - I think my 1st house should be an apartment
Becki (mom) - I think your 1st house should be a dorm
Doug (middle schooler) - it's where you live in college
Joe - WHAT?!? you have to do so much school work you have to live there??

SO cute!!!

"I've heard it both ways..."

This is definitely one of my all time favorite TV shows, so I thought I would share this poster with you all :)

** estamos cambiando

"there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens." ecclesiastes 3:1

"therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. each day has enough trouble of its own." matthew 6:34

 “forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. see, i am doing a new thing! now it springs up; do you not perceive it? i am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." isaiah 43:18-19

"have i not commanded you? be strong and courageous. do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” joshua 1:9

change.

its one of those things that you can anticipate and be excited for, and then dread at the same time. 

i've actually been thinking a lot about change in the last couple days. last year, i had a huge change in my life. i moved to college. i know, big one right? towards the end of the first year, God brought some of the best friends i could ask for into my life. aubrey (who's scandinavian dancing talent would shock you into the next century), emily (who's laugh can turn a grey day into crystal clear sun), luke (who, after one conversation, can figure out like all of your problems), and andrew (who's love of stuffed penguins can always put a smile on my face). spring quarter 2011, we became a family. but the hard part about freshman year ending, was that we would have to deal with...you guessed it...change. all of us were at different points in our lives. and within the past week, i've realized that this coming year will be different. and to be honest, i'm not sure i'm too okay with it. while i'm very excited for the upcoming year and to see all that God has in store (especially after what just happened with the living situation), i'm sorta nervous and a little scared to see what change is going to happen. emily and i will be roommates, but we are moving to a completely different hall. aubrey (being a year older than all of us) is moving off-campus to a house. luke and andrew are moving to third hill, with luke becoming an smc. we all are being called in different directions for the coming year. which means, change. 

but here's the thing about change. it's a good thing, while sometimes it can be painful. the Bible says that there is a time for everything. which means, in a taylor-ish translation, that there is a time for freshman year of college, and there is a time for sophomore year of college. and God can use both in mighty ways. i think that one of the biggest issues with americans today is that we never enjoy the present. we never fully enjoy where we are. we either cannot wait for something coming up in the future, or we are always dwelling on what has happened it the past. i'm guilty of this as well. i almost never fully and completely invest myself into where i am at a given moment in time. which is sad. because in a split second, that moment can be gone. is it ever possible to just fully enjoy one moment, and then fully enjoy the next moment? matthew 6:34 says "therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. each day has enough trouble of its own". there is no point in worrying about tomorrow, or also in being excited for tomorrow (to some extent). if we are able to learn from where we've come from, completely invest in today, and trust God for tomorrow, i almost feel like this issue of change might be easier. 

last night, we had a house guest over for dinner. he was actually an old college friend of my dads and he happened to be in town, so he came over and ate with us. it was so cool to see this guy that my dad roomed with in college, and now however many years down the road they still got together every once in a while. i was actually thinking about it last night, and i think i have probably seen this guy at least every two years since i was born, if not more often. so they stay connected. i was once told that the best friends are the ones that you are super close with, and you can be apart for a long while, and then when you see each other you can just pick up where you left off. and i know that aubrey, emily, luke, and andrew are these types of friends. and maybe its just one of those things where i know that change needs to happen, and that change will be good. but no matter what, we will still always have each other. 

i'm not really sure if this has made like any sense. but i guess my point is not to fear change. change happens. it will happen. it has happened. it is happening. for those of you joining me this year at spu, or if you are on a new adventure of your own, i would like to remind you that this year will be different. it will not be the same as last year. you are in a different environment, you will make different friends, you are at a different season in life. but, even as i say that, i encourage you to embrace this new experience. embrace the change. fully invest in each and every moment. which means don't text while you're with a group of people, don't be stressing out about homework when you're choosing to socialize, do be purposeful about asking questions like "how was your day, how are you really doing, etc". be completely and totally present in every moment. because in the blink of an eye, it will be gone. wait to see what the Lord will do if you are fully present in each and every moment. and while it is important to cherish our past, and our past relationships, be purposeful about continuing to invest in those relationships while making new relationships. God uses change in our life. if there weren't change, there wouldn't be any improvement or differences and our lives would always be the same. so i emplore you: have fun. enjoy this year. don't fear the change, embrace it. and wait to see what God will do.

Jehovah-Jireh

"then come, let us go up to bethel, where i will build an altar to God, who answered me in the day of my distress and who has been with me wherever i have gone.” genesis 35:3


"then i will go to the altar of God, to God, my joy and my delight. i will praise you with the lyre, o God, my God" psalm 43:4


the Bible says a ton about altars. and i didn't really even realize it until quite recently. my friend luke was saying how it's important that we "build" altars so that we can remember those times in our lives when God was faithful and we saw Him. now whether we physically build those or we just write them out, we need to pick up this practice again. God does work in our lives, but we tend to forget when He does. when those tough times come around we cannot seem to remember the times when God was faithful, and have trust that He will be faithful again. 


so here we go. altar number one. (and excuse me, i really like to ramble. but i do believe that the best way to understand how huge of a miracle this was, you gotta know the whole thing haha)


as many of you know, i currently attend seattle pacific university. i have about two years left, and honestly there are days when i cannot wait to be done. but i do really feel that God has called me to remain at spu for the time being. during spring quarter two thousand and eleven, i went though a time when i looked at transferring to azusa pacific university, but when push came to shove i really felt like i was supposed to stay at spu. needless to say i was a bit frazzled. my freshman year here had been very difficult for a myriad of reasons, and i in no way wanted another year like that. at the time i was registered to live with a very dear friend on the same floor i had lived on freshman year. but right after i turned azusa down, i felt God calling me to switch roommates and switch dorms. while i was horribly dismayed to leave my dear friend and floormate, i really felt God saying this was the right thing to do. so i switched dorms and roommates up to be the smc (spiritual ministry coordinator)'s roommate on 1st east ashton. the smc was emily mccoy, a girl i had become great friends with during spring quarter. after switching, i immediately felt a humongous sense of peace and was not nearly as anxious, even though i admit i was a bit nervous about the huge change but i knew God would take care of it. my new floor was 15 girls (12 of them freshmen) and i was so excited to be on a smaller floor! i began to get to know some of the girls through facebook, and i was so excited to live with them as they all seemed so wonderful. 


then, last weekend, emily called me and told me that she would not be returning to spu for financial reasons. she had tried really hard to make it work, but God seemed to be shutting the doors everywhere she went. she went and had met with a financial aid advisor at spu and left finding out she had to pay more money than she had thought, not less. so she saw that as God shutting doors, and i did too. i was really really bummed out because i had been so excited to room with her. i didn't know if i could survive a new dorm all by myself, and i honestly was really scared. i continued to pray about it and ask God for help and direction, and that He would provide, but i was still very scared and very nervous. this was last friday. 


then came yesterday. i knew that smc's moved in on the 16th (this coming friday) and so they would need to find a new smc to move onto 1st east ashton by friday. however, i had kinda just assumed that i would live with the new smc. by yesterday, i had kinda gotten used to the idea and was rather excited because i had begun to get to know the girls on 1st and i had talked with a few of them and i was very excited to get to know them more. they all seemed really cool. i mean really cool. so i was finally getting okay with the idea that emily was not returning. then i got on the train to come home from work, my dad started talking. i guess he had called the woman in charge of housing yesterday and she had told him some not-so-great news. they had found a replacement smc for emily, and the smc had a roommate. and so needless to say they were going to move me off of 1st east and i really didn't have a choice about it. awesome.


so, as of last night, i was no longer allowed to live on the floor i had become excited to live on, and i didn't have a roommate, and i didn't know where i was living. oh, and i don't do well with the unknown most of the time. so i finally got home and sat down and talked about it with my parents. my gut reaction was, honestly, i'm done with spu. i wanted to quit, work for a quarter, and do like a bible school overseas in january. that was my gut reaction. my mom reminded me that that would be running from my problems and that isn't the answer. so after talking about it, we agreed to sit down with the woman in charge of housekeeping and to see what my options were. i knew there was an open room on 5th east ashton but i would be placed with a roommate i didn't know, and i would have a much larger floor (40+), and i would also have sophomores that i would need to get to know. but thats how we left it and we set up the meeting for today. i was still very scared, and very nervous. it was one of those things where i just needed to take a leap of faith and trust that God had plans to prosper and not to harm. this was about the biggest leap of faith i had ever been asked to take. and i wasn't so sure i wanted to. i talked with luke and aubrey about it last night, and they reminded me God really was in control and knew what He was doing. 


driving to work this morning. i get a call from emily, as i'm pulling into seattle. and she says that she anonymously recieved a $5,000 scholarship yesterday which meant she might be coming back to spu. she was going to contact the smc program and see what could happen. my meeting with housing was scheduled for 11:30. around 10:30, i got another call from emily. she told me that the smc staff was going to replace emily as smc on 1st east since she had pulled out, which made a lot of sense. she then told me that she was indeed returning to spu for sure. the room on 5th east ashton was available for two girls, and i asked emily what she thought, and she said yes. 


so last night, i didn't know where i was living. today by 11, i found out that not only did i have a place to live, my roommate was indeed one of my best friends. and God worked everything else out. actually, He worked everything out. i was so stunned when i found all of this out, i didn't know what to say. everything that i had been praying for and my parents had been praying for and my friends had been praying for had been answered. my mom prayed specifically this morning for God to open an opportunity that i would have never come up with on my own and He did. what an amazing God we serve. even now as i'm writing about it, i'm getting the chills and i can't stop smiling. he answered my prayers. he provided. when i learned to trust him completely and to take a leap of faith, He came through in an incredible way. In a way that only He can, not in a way that i could have ever imagined. as i look back over the summer, and especially the last weekend, i can see how God has used each step to make this happen. even when i was in pain and hurting and angry, God has redeemed it all for His glory. 


so i wanted to share this with you, to "build" an altar. i have named this altar "Jehovah-Jireh" which means that God will provide. and He has. in so many incredible ways. i'm so stinking excited to see how God is going to use this year in my life. He obviously has some great plan for emily and i on 5th east, as well as for robin (the new smc on 1st east), and i simply cannot wait to see what it is. 


i pray that you are all enjoying your day! 
in Him,
tay

emily and i <3

"when the waves are taking you under..."

my good friend wrote this, i did not. i thought it was so good i wanted to share it with you all so please give it a read. if you want to read more of what she writes (which it is all very good), you can check out her blog here. enjoy!

"in bringing many sons (daughters) to glory, it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the author of their salvation perfect through suffering." hebrews 2:10

hmmmm.  as I was reading this, something came to me.  perfection = suffering.  by the simplest logic, i can come up with this: suffering = perfection.  

so at least part of the point of suffering is to bring us closer to perfection.  interesting.  

on this same topic, i was recently watching an extreme home makeover, where they built a house for a boy named job and his family.  this boy had leukemia, had had both lungs replaced, and on top of all that, the family's house was condemned.  when asked why they named him job, which means "suffering",  the parents replied with a Bible verse: "in the land of uz there lived a man named job. this man was faithful and upright in the eyes of the Lord."  as the mother said, "in the last book of job there is a verse that says: 'job was more blessed in the latter part of his life than in the first'"

so faithfulness through suffering brings blessings later.  maybe on this earth, but certainly in heaven.  

so all the struggles, all the pain.  was it worth it?

as one of our favorite mandisa songs says, "when the waves are taking you under, hold on just a little longer. He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger. the pain ain't gonna last forever, and things can only get better. believe me, this is gonna make you stronger, stronger."

or as it says in romans 8:28, "and we know that in all things God works together for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." 

i noticed that it doesn't say "the happiness of those who love him" but, "the good of those who love him"  what is good for me is not always what will make me happy.  

here is one other verse from Bible quizzing:

"because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted."

if you ever think that God doesn't understand what you are going through, he does!  He experienced it!  He understands temptation, because he was tempted, for forty straight days no less, in the desert by the devil.  think about it.  He was all alone.  He was starving, He was hot, He was tired.  He didn't have any people around him to support him.  and yet he stood firm.  

He understands criticism, because he was criticized, sometimes in the harshest terms. (matt 9)  

He understands the unfaithfulness of people, because the crowds that cheered and praised him as Lord on palm sunday were the same ones who yelled "crucify him!" a week later. 

He understands grief, because he himself mourned for his friend lazarus. (john 11:34-37)

He understands how it feels when people you are close to betray you,  because he himself was betrayed by one of his chosen few.  

He understands how it feels to be mocked, shamed, and beaten down, because all of these things were done to him. (matt 27)

more than anything, he understands you. for who else could know you as well as the one who made you?  He knows your thoughts, for he shaped the mind that makes them.  

He knows your heart, for he is the one who shaped it. 

He understands your feelings, for he was the one who gave you the ability to feel. 

He knows your love, and gives His to you a million times greater.  

for who could love more than the one who created love?

screws.

so i once had this friend. his name was ridget, and yes he was a screw. now when he was created, the blacksmith (for the purposes of our story, he shall be named mr. smith) was very careful to make his spirals just right and make sure that the indent for the phillips screwdriver would fit directly on top of his head, and that he was the right color and everything. mr. smith cared very much about this screw. now the special think about mr. smith, as opposed to all of the other blacksmiths in the area, was that mr. smith made every single screw by hand and with care and love. he didn't mas-produce the screws, rather he took time and effort individually creating each one. and thus was the case with ridget. so ridget was created, and loved very deeply. and as ridget grew from a young screwling into a strong, capable screw, he began to experiment with what he could do and what he couldnt. he tried his spirals at cooking, but the lack of opposable digits made this rather difficult. so he thought about becoming a teacher, but alas he could not because he couldn't pass out papers, or open the door, or even sit at his desk. so one day while wondering through the yard, he found a couple boards that had become broken and needed something to hold them together. when he looked at the hole, he noticed it looked very smooth and nice and thought
          "hm, i think i might just fit in there" so he hopped right in and sure enough, he fit, and not only did he fit but he held the boards back together. "perfect" thought ridget, and he stayed there for many days. however he began to notice that while he held the boards together, he could never keep them in place for the kept slipping since the inside of the whole was round and smooth. but "no matter, i don't think i can do anything else so i might as well just stay here" thought ridget, and he stayed. a few days later mr. smith came along and saw ridget inside the hole in the two boards.
          "ridget!" mr smith said. "what are you doing??"
          "well, i'm holding the boards together! look i can do it, can't you see??"
          "oh ridget" mr. smith said. "i made you for so much more than just holding those boards together. i made you to keep them in place too!! why didn't you keep looking until you found a perfect fit??" and so mr. smith removed ridget from the unperfect boards and brought him to another set of boards that needed to be held together and held in place. and low and behold, these boards had a hole. and the inside of the hole was carved with perfect grooves that would fit inside of ridget's spirals, instead of being smooth and flat on the inside. ridget 'screwed' himself into the hole, and squealed with delight!!
          "look mr. smith! i fit perfectly, and i'm holding the boards together and holding them in place! this is spectacular!!"
          "i know ridget" said mr. smith with a smile. "this is what i made you to do, and you are doing it perfectly, better than anyone ever could!!" and they both lived happily ever after.

the end.

okay, so obviously i'm not a creative writer, but this idea popped into my head today so i thought i would give it a try. we were all made for something. God created us to be uniquely gifted and talented for a specific purpose. in ridget's case, he was created to hold things together in a different way then the nail would. but we get distracted by holes that don't fit us quite as well. we settle for holes that we kinda fit in, and we know that's what we should do, but we don't fit perfectly. our boards are staying. they're slipping quite rapidly. but the thing is that God created us for a specific purpose. when we settle for what we aren't supposed to be doing, then we miss out on the fullness and beauty and wonderfulness that God created us for. He made us so that we could delight in what we were created to do, and to do it superbly. look to Him to see what your entire purpose is, and delight in that with everything that you are. and i know you will live a full and satisfied life if God's honor and glory is the goal of your life.

i don't know if this made any sense, but i thought i would write it just for fun. and if you're wondering, no i don't make friends with screws...this story is entirely fictional.

in Him.

identity.

(i cannot take full credit for this. while i wrote it all on my own, the reason i even started thinking about this and seeing the truth in the verse is because of a podcast on identity, part 1, by mike erre with solid rock church in portland, oregon. go check out his podcasts because they're incredible!)

identity. this is a subject that i firmly believe many people struggle with, i know that i do. the fight against whether our identity comes from appearances, boys, girls, money, success, etc. we fight it day in and day out. but heres the thing: all of those things will not last forever, they come and go.

senior year, one of the many nights that weren't going so great. i was sitting on my bed, and allowing satan's lies to run through my head. i'd gotten tired of fighting them, i'd gotten sick of saying no. it was easier to just let him speak and to believe him than to fight him with the Truth. and the biggest lie that satan was getting me to believe was that i was worthless, i was deffective, God made me with some sort of disorder or wierdness and that was the reason i felt alone. that i was just an afterthought. i wasn't important. i know it probably sounds silly right now, but i know for a fact that one, these thoughts can be beyond destructive to the human mind, and two, as i'm learning, that i'm not the only one who has felt like this. if you've ever thought these thoughts, or allowed satan to speak these same lies to you, please continue reading. because what i'm about to say next blew my mind away.

i was listening to a podcast on identity the other day. and the first part used the following verse as its backbone:

"for He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight [without defect]" - ephesians 1:4

okay. so i love the book of ephesians. always have. i've probably read it about a hundred thousand times. but here's the thing about the Bible. the Bible is the living, breathing word of God. now combine the living breathing word of God with the living breathing Holy Spirit that lives inside of you, and you get revelation. you can read a verse a lot of times, but the Holy Spirit could give you a new understanding of that verse each and every time. and thats what happened with me and this verse. let's break it down.

"for He chose us in Him" -- okay. God chose us. think about that. God. chose. us. so pretend this little kid goes to the store and his mom's only instruction to him was "choose a toy that you would like and we can buy it". now if that little kid's like me, i'm not going to choose a toy that needs lots of repairs, that will always need new batteries, that isn't no fun to play with, that makes me look stupid, anything like that. no i'm going to chose a toy that i love. a toy that is blameless in my sight. a toy that i will have fun with. a toy that is perfect. now. this is what happened when God chose us. He chose us. meaning He had to pick us. He had to actually say "I want her or him". it wasn't a "oh great, okay fine lets go", it was a "look! I want that one. that one is perfect, wonderful, magnificent". and this is how God sees us. perfect, wonderful, magnificent.

"before the creation of the world" -- before the world was even made, God had chosen us. so before we even existed, He chose us. He knew what we were going to do and every move we were going to make before we ever even made it. incredible huh? in psalms 139 says that "all your days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be". He chose us before we existed. that's incredible love, no? to say "i want him/her and they aren't even alive yet, but when they become alive i want them."

"to be holy and blameless in His sight" -- we are perfect in His sight. perfect. holy. blameless. some Bible's say "without defect". we have no defect. it's actually this without defect part that hit me when i heard it. back to that night during senior year, i kept telling myself that there was something wrong with me. there was a reason that i felt alone, and i felt like people didn't want to hang out with me. there was a reason...i must be wierd or awkward or creepy or something. but thats just me. i must have been made that way and there's gotta be a reason, but i don't know what. then mike erre said this passage. without defect. i have been chosen in Christ and He views me as without. defect. i'm perfect in His sight. oh my goodness. how can this be? i feel so worthless and messed up, but the creator God chose me, and even after the miracle of Him having chosen me, He continues to say that He sees me without defect. wow. mind blown. and He sees us all this way. we are holy and blameless in His sight. oh. my. goodness. i feel so undeserving.

so i encourage you. those of you who have struggled with the same lie, and those who struggle with other things as well. i encourage you to embrace your identity in Christ. you are a new creation. He has chosen you to be His sons and daughters. chosen you. and He sees you as perfect and without defect. perfect and without defect. if you get a chance today, take a moment to thank Him for that, and then please, please, remember who you are in Christ and the identity that you have in Him. You are His child. His heir. His love. His chosen.

waiting.





Guatemala 2009

Summer of 2009 I went on my second overseas missions trip (the first was to India in 2006) to Guatemala. One of the things I remember strongly about this trip is that if God wants you somewhere, He makes it painfully obvious that He wants you there. I found out about the trip two months before we left the states when the president of the organization we went through (Youth Missions International) spoke at my youth group and said that he needed one more person to go on the trip. I went home that night and googled Guatemala (didn't even know how to spell it) to see where it was, then started praying about it. I have had a heart for missions ever since I was young and my intial instict was "yes lets do it!" But as I began to pray about it, I really saw God saying "yes do it" as well. In two months, God provided all of the support I needed and things just happened to work out (not just happened, but God orchestrated them :) ). It was so neat to see God's confirmation and His hand in every step of this trip.

Why am I telling you this? Well because since the moment I set foot on American soil after that trip (July, 2009), I've wanted to go back. But God hasn't opened a door for that yet. And I have been super impatient lately. Many of my friends have been going overseas lately, or are overseas now and are doing incredible things for Jesus! But my question lately to God has been "why not me yet?". And I'm having to wait. But then I came across this verse the other day:

"Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, but whose delight is in the law of the LORD, and who meditates on his law day and night. That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither - whatever they do prospers." (Psalm 1:1-3)

The part that really stood out to me about this verse was that the tree "yields its fruit in season". Think about it. A tree only bears fruit part of the year, and then the other part of the year is spent growing and preparing to yield fruit. But its not like the fruit is only yielded once. No, that time of yielding comes every year. So you have a time of growing and preparing, and then a time of yielding. Even though I've read this verse probably a thousand times, it really hit me this time. God has a time for us to bear fruit and to be prosperous. And then He has a time where we aren't on a "spiritual high", or we are stuck in a rut. But those times aren't useless either because its times like those that prepare us and grow us and teach us to bear fruit. This opened up a whole new concept that I'd never thought about. I spent so much time beating myself up because I wasn't out spreading the gospel everywhere and all the time and that I didn't always feel happy to have my quiet time, when in reality I was just not having a "spiritual high" time. It wasn't my yielding season. It was the off season, the time when I grow and learn and prepare. So I encourage you that if you feel like you're in a rut or you're waiting for something that never seems to come or you just don't feel like you think you should, please just learn to grow in Him. While we need to purpose to constantly spread His glory and love, we also can learn to embrace every moment we live. Be content with the fact that maybe you aren't doing exactly what you want to be doing right now, but God has a plan for whatever it is you ARE doing. And the yielding season will always come. Just be patient and trust in Him. He knows what He is doing, and He is growing you and preparing you for your yielding. Embrace those lessons. Embrace those trials. Realize that you can do anything through Him who strengthens you. Yielding will come. It always comes. And it always will!