"I've heard it both ways..."

This is definitely one of my all time favorite TV shows, so I thought I would share this poster with you all :)

** estamos cambiando

"there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens." ecclesiastes 3:1

"therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. each day has enough trouble of its own." matthew 6:34

 “forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. see, i am doing a new thing! now it springs up; do you not perceive it? i am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." isaiah 43:18-19

"have i not commanded you? be strong and courageous. do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” joshua 1:9

change.

its one of those things that you can anticipate and be excited for, and then dread at the same time. 

i've actually been thinking a lot about change in the last couple days. last year, i had a huge change in my life. i moved to college. i know, big one right? towards the end of the first year, God brought some of the best friends i could ask for into my life. aubrey (who's scandinavian dancing talent would shock you into the next century), emily (who's laugh can turn a grey day into crystal clear sun), luke (who, after one conversation, can figure out like all of your problems), and andrew (who's love of stuffed penguins can always put a smile on my face). spring quarter 2011, we became a family. but the hard part about freshman year ending, was that we would have to deal with...you guessed it...change. all of us were at different points in our lives. and within the past week, i've realized that this coming year will be different. and to be honest, i'm not sure i'm too okay with it. while i'm very excited for the upcoming year and to see all that God has in store (especially after what just happened with the living situation), i'm sorta nervous and a little scared to see what change is going to happen. emily and i will be roommates, but we are moving to a completely different hall. aubrey (being a year older than all of us) is moving off-campus to a house. luke and andrew are moving to third hill, with luke becoming an smc. we all are being called in different directions for the coming year. which means, change. 

but here's the thing about change. it's a good thing, while sometimes it can be painful. the Bible says that there is a time for everything. which means, in a taylor-ish translation, that there is a time for freshman year of college, and there is a time for sophomore year of college. and God can use both in mighty ways. i think that one of the biggest issues with americans today is that we never enjoy the present. we never fully enjoy where we are. we either cannot wait for something coming up in the future, or we are always dwelling on what has happened it the past. i'm guilty of this as well. i almost never fully and completely invest myself into where i am at a given moment in time. which is sad. because in a split second, that moment can be gone. is it ever possible to just fully enjoy one moment, and then fully enjoy the next moment? matthew 6:34 says "therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. each day has enough trouble of its own". there is no point in worrying about tomorrow, or also in being excited for tomorrow (to some extent). if we are able to learn from where we've come from, completely invest in today, and trust God for tomorrow, i almost feel like this issue of change might be easier. 

last night, we had a house guest over for dinner. he was actually an old college friend of my dads and he happened to be in town, so he came over and ate with us. it was so cool to see this guy that my dad roomed with in college, and now however many years down the road they still got together every once in a while. i was actually thinking about it last night, and i think i have probably seen this guy at least every two years since i was born, if not more often. so they stay connected. i was once told that the best friends are the ones that you are super close with, and you can be apart for a long while, and then when you see each other you can just pick up where you left off. and i know that aubrey, emily, luke, and andrew are these types of friends. and maybe its just one of those things where i know that change needs to happen, and that change will be good. but no matter what, we will still always have each other. 

i'm not really sure if this has made like any sense. but i guess my point is not to fear change. change happens. it will happen. it has happened. it is happening. for those of you joining me this year at spu, or if you are on a new adventure of your own, i would like to remind you that this year will be different. it will not be the same as last year. you are in a different environment, you will make different friends, you are at a different season in life. but, even as i say that, i encourage you to embrace this new experience. embrace the change. fully invest in each and every moment. which means don't text while you're with a group of people, don't be stressing out about homework when you're choosing to socialize, do be purposeful about asking questions like "how was your day, how are you really doing, etc". be completely and totally present in every moment. because in the blink of an eye, it will be gone. wait to see what the Lord will do if you are fully present in each and every moment. and while it is important to cherish our past, and our past relationships, be purposeful about continuing to invest in those relationships while making new relationships. God uses change in our life. if there weren't change, there wouldn't be any improvement or differences and our lives would always be the same. so i emplore you: have fun. enjoy this year. don't fear the change, embrace it. and wait to see what God will do.

Jehovah-Jireh

"then come, let us go up to bethel, where i will build an altar to God, who answered me in the day of my distress and who has been with me wherever i have gone.” genesis 35:3


"then i will go to the altar of God, to God, my joy and my delight. i will praise you with the lyre, o God, my God" psalm 43:4


the Bible says a ton about altars. and i didn't really even realize it until quite recently. my friend luke was saying how it's important that we "build" altars so that we can remember those times in our lives when God was faithful and we saw Him. now whether we physically build those or we just write them out, we need to pick up this practice again. God does work in our lives, but we tend to forget when He does. when those tough times come around we cannot seem to remember the times when God was faithful, and have trust that He will be faithful again. 


so here we go. altar number one. (and excuse me, i really like to ramble. but i do believe that the best way to understand how huge of a miracle this was, you gotta know the whole thing haha)


as many of you know, i currently attend seattle pacific university. i have about two years left, and honestly there are days when i cannot wait to be done. but i do really feel that God has called me to remain at spu for the time being. during spring quarter two thousand and eleven, i went though a time when i looked at transferring to azusa pacific university, but when push came to shove i really felt like i was supposed to stay at spu. needless to say i was a bit frazzled. my freshman year here had been very difficult for a myriad of reasons, and i in no way wanted another year like that. at the time i was registered to live with a very dear friend on the same floor i had lived on freshman year. but right after i turned azusa down, i felt God calling me to switch roommates and switch dorms. while i was horribly dismayed to leave my dear friend and floormate, i really felt God saying this was the right thing to do. so i switched dorms and roommates up to be the smc (spiritual ministry coordinator)'s roommate on 1st east ashton. the smc was emily mccoy, a girl i had become great friends with during spring quarter. after switching, i immediately felt a humongous sense of peace and was not nearly as anxious, even though i admit i was a bit nervous about the huge change but i knew God would take care of it. my new floor was 15 girls (12 of them freshmen) and i was so excited to be on a smaller floor! i began to get to know some of the girls through facebook, and i was so excited to live with them as they all seemed so wonderful. 


then, last weekend, emily called me and told me that she would not be returning to spu for financial reasons. she had tried really hard to make it work, but God seemed to be shutting the doors everywhere she went. she went and had met with a financial aid advisor at spu and left finding out she had to pay more money than she had thought, not less. so she saw that as God shutting doors, and i did too. i was really really bummed out because i had been so excited to room with her. i didn't know if i could survive a new dorm all by myself, and i honestly was really scared. i continued to pray about it and ask God for help and direction, and that He would provide, but i was still very scared and very nervous. this was last friday. 


then came yesterday. i knew that smc's moved in on the 16th (this coming friday) and so they would need to find a new smc to move onto 1st east ashton by friday. however, i had kinda just assumed that i would live with the new smc. by yesterday, i had kinda gotten used to the idea and was rather excited because i had begun to get to know the girls on 1st and i had talked with a few of them and i was very excited to get to know them more. they all seemed really cool. i mean really cool. so i was finally getting okay with the idea that emily was not returning. then i got on the train to come home from work, my dad started talking. i guess he had called the woman in charge of housing yesterday and she had told him some not-so-great news. they had found a replacement smc for emily, and the smc had a roommate. and so needless to say they were going to move me off of 1st east and i really didn't have a choice about it. awesome.


so, as of last night, i was no longer allowed to live on the floor i had become excited to live on, and i didn't have a roommate, and i didn't know where i was living. oh, and i don't do well with the unknown most of the time. so i finally got home and sat down and talked about it with my parents. my gut reaction was, honestly, i'm done with spu. i wanted to quit, work for a quarter, and do like a bible school overseas in january. that was my gut reaction. my mom reminded me that that would be running from my problems and that isn't the answer. so after talking about it, we agreed to sit down with the woman in charge of housekeeping and to see what my options were. i knew there was an open room on 5th east ashton but i would be placed with a roommate i didn't know, and i would have a much larger floor (40+), and i would also have sophomores that i would need to get to know. but thats how we left it and we set up the meeting for today. i was still very scared, and very nervous. it was one of those things where i just needed to take a leap of faith and trust that God had plans to prosper and not to harm. this was about the biggest leap of faith i had ever been asked to take. and i wasn't so sure i wanted to. i talked with luke and aubrey about it last night, and they reminded me God really was in control and knew what He was doing. 


driving to work this morning. i get a call from emily, as i'm pulling into seattle. and she says that she anonymously recieved a $5,000 scholarship yesterday which meant she might be coming back to spu. she was going to contact the smc program and see what could happen. my meeting with housing was scheduled for 11:30. around 10:30, i got another call from emily. she told me that the smc staff was going to replace emily as smc on 1st east since she had pulled out, which made a lot of sense. she then told me that she was indeed returning to spu for sure. the room on 5th east ashton was available for two girls, and i asked emily what she thought, and she said yes. 


so last night, i didn't know where i was living. today by 11, i found out that not only did i have a place to live, my roommate was indeed one of my best friends. and God worked everything else out. actually, He worked everything out. i was so stunned when i found all of this out, i didn't know what to say. everything that i had been praying for and my parents had been praying for and my friends had been praying for had been answered. my mom prayed specifically this morning for God to open an opportunity that i would have never come up with on my own and He did. what an amazing God we serve. even now as i'm writing about it, i'm getting the chills and i can't stop smiling. he answered my prayers. he provided. when i learned to trust him completely and to take a leap of faith, He came through in an incredible way. In a way that only He can, not in a way that i could have ever imagined. as i look back over the summer, and especially the last weekend, i can see how God has used each step to make this happen. even when i was in pain and hurting and angry, God has redeemed it all for His glory. 


so i wanted to share this with you, to "build" an altar. i have named this altar "Jehovah-Jireh" which means that God will provide. and He has. in so many incredible ways. i'm so stinking excited to see how God is going to use this year in my life. He obviously has some great plan for emily and i on 5th east, as well as for robin (the new smc on 1st east), and i simply cannot wait to see what it is. 


i pray that you are all enjoying your day! 
in Him,
tay

emily and i <3

"when the waves are taking you under..."

my good friend wrote this, i did not. i thought it was so good i wanted to share it with you all so please give it a read. if you want to read more of what she writes (which it is all very good), you can check out her blog here. enjoy!

"in bringing many sons (daughters) to glory, it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the author of their salvation perfect through suffering." hebrews 2:10

hmmmm.  as I was reading this, something came to me.  perfection = suffering.  by the simplest logic, i can come up with this: suffering = perfection.  

so at least part of the point of suffering is to bring us closer to perfection.  interesting.  

on this same topic, i was recently watching an extreme home makeover, where they built a house for a boy named job and his family.  this boy had leukemia, had had both lungs replaced, and on top of all that, the family's house was condemned.  when asked why they named him job, which means "suffering",  the parents replied with a Bible verse: "in the land of uz there lived a man named job. this man was faithful and upright in the eyes of the Lord."  as the mother said, "in the last book of job there is a verse that says: 'job was more blessed in the latter part of his life than in the first'"

so faithfulness through suffering brings blessings later.  maybe on this earth, but certainly in heaven.  

so all the struggles, all the pain.  was it worth it?

as one of our favorite mandisa songs says, "when the waves are taking you under, hold on just a little longer. He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger. the pain ain't gonna last forever, and things can only get better. believe me, this is gonna make you stronger, stronger."

or as it says in romans 8:28, "and we know that in all things God works together for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." 

i noticed that it doesn't say "the happiness of those who love him" but, "the good of those who love him"  what is good for me is not always what will make me happy.  

here is one other verse from Bible quizzing:

"because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted."

if you ever think that God doesn't understand what you are going through, he does!  He experienced it!  He understands temptation, because he was tempted, for forty straight days no less, in the desert by the devil.  think about it.  He was all alone.  He was starving, He was hot, He was tired.  He didn't have any people around him to support him.  and yet he stood firm.  

He understands criticism, because he was criticized, sometimes in the harshest terms. (matt 9)  

He understands the unfaithfulness of people, because the crowds that cheered and praised him as Lord on palm sunday were the same ones who yelled "crucify him!" a week later. 

He understands grief, because he himself mourned for his friend lazarus. (john 11:34-37)

He understands how it feels when people you are close to betray you,  because he himself was betrayed by one of his chosen few.  

He understands how it feels to be mocked, shamed, and beaten down, because all of these things were done to him. (matt 27)

more than anything, he understands you. for who else could know you as well as the one who made you?  He knows your thoughts, for he shaped the mind that makes them.  

He knows your heart, for he is the one who shaped it. 

He understands your feelings, for he was the one who gave you the ability to feel. 

He knows your love, and gives His to you a million times greater.  

for who could love more than the one who created love?

screws.

so i once had this friend. his name was ridget, and yes he was a screw. now when he was created, the blacksmith (for the purposes of our story, he shall be named mr. smith) was very careful to make his spirals just right and make sure that the indent for the phillips screwdriver would fit directly on top of his head, and that he was the right color and everything. mr. smith cared very much about this screw. now the special think about mr. smith, as opposed to all of the other blacksmiths in the area, was that mr. smith made every single screw by hand and with care and love. he didn't mas-produce the screws, rather he took time and effort individually creating each one. and thus was the case with ridget. so ridget was created, and loved very deeply. and as ridget grew from a young screwling into a strong, capable screw, he began to experiment with what he could do and what he couldnt. he tried his spirals at cooking, but the lack of opposable digits made this rather difficult. so he thought about becoming a teacher, but alas he could not because he couldn't pass out papers, or open the door, or even sit at his desk. so one day while wondering through the yard, he found a couple boards that had become broken and needed something to hold them together. when he looked at the hole, he noticed it looked very smooth and nice and thought
          "hm, i think i might just fit in there" so he hopped right in and sure enough, he fit, and not only did he fit but he held the boards back together. "perfect" thought ridget, and he stayed there for many days. however he began to notice that while he held the boards together, he could never keep them in place for the kept slipping since the inside of the whole was round and smooth. but "no matter, i don't think i can do anything else so i might as well just stay here" thought ridget, and he stayed. a few days later mr. smith came along and saw ridget inside the hole in the two boards.
          "ridget!" mr smith said. "what are you doing??"
          "well, i'm holding the boards together! look i can do it, can't you see??"
          "oh ridget" mr. smith said. "i made you for so much more than just holding those boards together. i made you to keep them in place too!! why didn't you keep looking until you found a perfect fit??" and so mr. smith removed ridget from the unperfect boards and brought him to another set of boards that needed to be held together and held in place. and low and behold, these boards had a hole. and the inside of the hole was carved with perfect grooves that would fit inside of ridget's spirals, instead of being smooth and flat on the inside. ridget 'screwed' himself into the hole, and squealed with delight!!
          "look mr. smith! i fit perfectly, and i'm holding the boards together and holding them in place! this is spectacular!!"
          "i know ridget" said mr. smith with a smile. "this is what i made you to do, and you are doing it perfectly, better than anyone ever could!!" and they both lived happily ever after.

the end.

okay, so obviously i'm not a creative writer, but this idea popped into my head today so i thought i would give it a try. we were all made for something. God created us to be uniquely gifted and talented for a specific purpose. in ridget's case, he was created to hold things together in a different way then the nail would. but we get distracted by holes that don't fit us quite as well. we settle for holes that we kinda fit in, and we know that's what we should do, but we don't fit perfectly. our boards are staying. they're slipping quite rapidly. but the thing is that God created us for a specific purpose. when we settle for what we aren't supposed to be doing, then we miss out on the fullness and beauty and wonderfulness that God created us for. He made us so that we could delight in what we were created to do, and to do it superbly. look to Him to see what your entire purpose is, and delight in that with everything that you are. and i know you will live a full and satisfied life if God's honor and glory is the goal of your life.

i don't know if this made any sense, but i thought i would write it just for fun. and if you're wondering, no i don't make friends with screws...this story is entirely fictional.

in Him.

identity.

(i cannot take full credit for this. while i wrote it all on my own, the reason i even started thinking about this and seeing the truth in the verse is because of a podcast on identity, part 1, by mike erre with solid rock church in portland, oregon. go check out his podcasts because they're incredible!)

identity. this is a subject that i firmly believe many people struggle with, i know that i do. the fight against whether our identity comes from appearances, boys, girls, money, success, etc. we fight it day in and day out. but heres the thing: all of those things will not last forever, they come and go.

senior year, one of the many nights that weren't going so great. i was sitting on my bed, and allowing satan's lies to run through my head. i'd gotten tired of fighting them, i'd gotten sick of saying no. it was easier to just let him speak and to believe him than to fight him with the Truth. and the biggest lie that satan was getting me to believe was that i was worthless, i was deffective, God made me with some sort of disorder or wierdness and that was the reason i felt alone. that i was just an afterthought. i wasn't important. i know it probably sounds silly right now, but i know for a fact that one, these thoughts can be beyond destructive to the human mind, and two, as i'm learning, that i'm not the only one who has felt like this. if you've ever thought these thoughts, or allowed satan to speak these same lies to you, please continue reading. because what i'm about to say next blew my mind away.

i was listening to a podcast on identity the other day. and the first part used the following verse as its backbone:

"for He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight [without defect]" - ephesians 1:4

okay. so i love the book of ephesians. always have. i've probably read it about a hundred thousand times. but here's the thing about the Bible. the Bible is the living, breathing word of God. now combine the living breathing word of God with the living breathing Holy Spirit that lives inside of you, and you get revelation. you can read a verse a lot of times, but the Holy Spirit could give you a new understanding of that verse each and every time. and thats what happened with me and this verse. let's break it down.

"for He chose us in Him" -- okay. God chose us. think about that. God. chose. us. so pretend this little kid goes to the store and his mom's only instruction to him was "choose a toy that you would like and we can buy it". now if that little kid's like me, i'm not going to choose a toy that needs lots of repairs, that will always need new batteries, that isn't no fun to play with, that makes me look stupid, anything like that. no i'm going to chose a toy that i love. a toy that is blameless in my sight. a toy that i will have fun with. a toy that is perfect. now. this is what happened when God chose us. He chose us. meaning He had to pick us. He had to actually say "I want her or him". it wasn't a "oh great, okay fine lets go", it was a "look! I want that one. that one is perfect, wonderful, magnificent". and this is how God sees us. perfect, wonderful, magnificent.

"before the creation of the world" -- before the world was even made, God had chosen us. so before we even existed, He chose us. He knew what we were going to do and every move we were going to make before we ever even made it. incredible huh? in psalms 139 says that "all your days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be". He chose us before we existed. that's incredible love, no? to say "i want him/her and they aren't even alive yet, but when they become alive i want them."

"to be holy and blameless in His sight" -- we are perfect in His sight. perfect. holy. blameless. some Bible's say "without defect". we have no defect. it's actually this without defect part that hit me when i heard it. back to that night during senior year, i kept telling myself that there was something wrong with me. there was a reason that i felt alone, and i felt like people didn't want to hang out with me. there was a reason...i must be wierd or awkward or creepy or something. but thats just me. i must have been made that way and there's gotta be a reason, but i don't know what. then mike erre said this passage. without defect. i have been chosen in Christ and He views me as without. defect. i'm perfect in His sight. oh my goodness. how can this be? i feel so worthless and messed up, but the creator God chose me, and even after the miracle of Him having chosen me, He continues to say that He sees me without defect. wow. mind blown. and He sees us all this way. we are holy and blameless in His sight. oh. my. goodness. i feel so undeserving.

so i encourage you. those of you who have struggled with the same lie, and those who struggle with other things as well. i encourage you to embrace your identity in Christ. you are a new creation. He has chosen you to be His sons and daughters. chosen you. and He sees you as perfect and without defect. perfect and without defect. if you get a chance today, take a moment to thank Him for that, and then please, please, remember who you are in Christ and the identity that you have in Him. You are His child. His heir. His love. His chosen.

waiting.





Guatemala 2009

Summer of 2009 I went on my second overseas missions trip (the first was to India in 2006) to Guatemala. One of the things I remember strongly about this trip is that if God wants you somewhere, He makes it painfully obvious that He wants you there. I found out about the trip two months before we left the states when the president of the organization we went through (Youth Missions International) spoke at my youth group and said that he needed one more person to go on the trip. I went home that night and googled Guatemala (didn't even know how to spell it) to see where it was, then started praying about it. I have had a heart for missions ever since I was young and my intial instict was "yes lets do it!" But as I began to pray about it, I really saw God saying "yes do it" as well. In two months, God provided all of the support I needed and things just happened to work out (not just happened, but God orchestrated them :) ). It was so neat to see God's confirmation and His hand in every step of this trip.

Why am I telling you this? Well because since the moment I set foot on American soil after that trip (July, 2009), I've wanted to go back. But God hasn't opened a door for that yet. And I have been super impatient lately. Many of my friends have been going overseas lately, or are overseas now and are doing incredible things for Jesus! But my question lately to God has been "why not me yet?". And I'm having to wait. But then I came across this verse the other day:

"Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, but whose delight is in the law of the LORD, and who meditates on his law day and night. That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither - whatever they do prospers." (Psalm 1:1-3)

The part that really stood out to me about this verse was that the tree "yields its fruit in season". Think about it. A tree only bears fruit part of the year, and then the other part of the year is spent growing and preparing to yield fruit. But its not like the fruit is only yielded once. No, that time of yielding comes every year. So you have a time of growing and preparing, and then a time of yielding. Even though I've read this verse probably a thousand times, it really hit me this time. God has a time for us to bear fruit and to be prosperous. And then He has a time where we aren't on a "spiritual high", or we are stuck in a rut. But those times aren't useless either because its times like those that prepare us and grow us and teach us to bear fruit. This opened up a whole new concept that I'd never thought about. I spent so much time beating myself up because I wasn't out spreading the gospel everywhere and all the time and that I didn't always feel happy to have my quiet time, when in reality I was just not having a "spiritual high" time. It wasn't my yielding season. It was the off season, the time when I grow and learn and prepare. So I encourage you that if you feel like you're in a rut or you're waiting for something that never seems to come or you just don't feel like you think you should, please just learn to grow in Him. While we need to purpose to constantly spread His glory and love, we also can learn to embrace every moment we live. Be content with the fact that maybe you aren't doing exactly what you want to be doing right now, but God has a plan for whatever it is you ARE doing. And the yielding season will always come. Just be patient and trust in Him. He knows what He is doing, and He is growing you and preparing you for your yielding. Embrace those lessons. Embrace those trials. Realize that you can do anything through Him who strengthens you. Yielding will come. It always comes. And it always will!