A New Creation

So I've been struggling a lot lately with feeling overwhelmed by things that I have done in the past, by sins that I have committed. I keep getting this feeling that God will never forgive me or love me again, that I've done way to much and He will just give up on me. I know that that is not Biblically sound, but its how I feel a lot of the time. And especially since I moved to school. I want everything that SEEMED good last year to come back, I'm having a hard time moving on. But I also feel like I'm carrying around a huge backpack of my bad decisions that won't leave me no matter where I go. So I've been pretty stressed out at school to say the least. BUT! I went to group on wednesday (which is the youth group at SPU) and the first song we sang was called "Beautiful Things". These are the lyrics:

"All this pain

I wonder if I’ll even find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all

All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us"

Beautiful Things - Youtube

The emphasis at group was on how God created us, and He makes us new. Yes we sin, and sin is a horrible thing. But we are not perfect and therefore we will sin. We will make mistakes! It will happen!! and when we do, God is always there to forgive us and love us even more. The rest of the songs following this first one at group all talked about God forgiving us and making us new.

THEN!

I went to gospel choir last night, for which I was very excited. And we showed up and they normally give a small message before we begin choir because the emphasis in choir is to honor and glorify God with it all! And the message was on this verse:

"See, I am doing a new thing!

Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland."
-Isaiah 43:19

And the person who was giving it was talking about how we have a new year ahead of us and we should focus on what God is going to do this year, not what He did last year or in years prior to that.

Coincidence? Nope.

So I was getting the feeling God was telling me something.

1. That He is making me new. Its not Him thats making me carry around all of my past decisions, its me. He has already forgiven and forgotten them, yet for some reason I still chose to carry them with me. Silly girl. He has forgiven me and He is making me new daily!

2. He has given me a totally new environment to have new experiences. Not that I should completely forgive the old ones, but when I continually look back at what happened last year and not look ahead to what is going to happen this year, I miss the new and exciting things that are going to happen because I'm too focused on the good times of last year. Its like Lot's wife who looked back at the city she was leaving. She turned into salt. God told her not to look back but to embrace what was ahead! And that is what He is calling me to. I know He has crazy awesome plans for me this year at SPU, and I just need to learn to be excited for what He is going to do THIS year!

So that's my story. Hope it encouraged you in some way.

Oh and by the way, college is amazing. just sayin =)

loves!
Tay



 

Goodbye Puyallup, Hello Seattle!

Well, I officially live in Seattle now!!! Annnnnndddd I am a college student!! Woot woot!! Wow I don't feel nearly old enough to be a college student...I feel like I should be entering senior year again =) But alas, nope. I moved out on thursday this past week. It has been sooo much fun! Pretty busy, but quite a blast. I love my roomie (her name is Emily) and we have had soo much fun together! Classes start tomorrow and I am very very excited. I still miss ptown, but I'm trusting in the fact that God has me up here for a reason and for now that is good enough for me. Love and miss you all!!!

My sis and my junk in my room

Hill Hall Tradition = Dick-erellas

MY DORM!!!

Thats right, I am a Falcon!!

Hanging lights in our room

Girl Party!!

Emily and I at Freddies

COLORFUL WALL!!!

Why now?

Alright. Tomorrow. Is. September 23rd. Meaning? I will be moving into my dorm room tomorrow. AHHHH!!!!! I've spent the afternoon packing...and Im still SOOO not ready! I was ready two weeks ago...why cant i still be ready now???? ugh. My rooms all packed up, my stuff is out. My goodbyes are said (well, mostly). Yet Im not as ready as i was a few weeks ago. That seems sorta backwards to me though...idk. I'm just at that point where I'm not so ready as I thought I would be. I'm nervous, Im scared. I realized today that I won't be around people I'm comfortable with. I don't know. God knows what Hes doing, but I'm still scared little me. Well see how it goes ya? A friend reminded me of this verse today.

Jeremiah 29:11-13 " For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.  And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart."

God's got it. I don't. And thats okay. He knows what Hes doing and if I seek Him, it will all great.

That being said, prayers are still appreciated. I leave tomorrow morning. I'll post pictures as soon as I can. Hope you all have an amazing weekend!!!

loves!
Tay

Threw it out the window

This post is mainly for "Our Fun Faith Filled Family", the blog of a family that have been a huge part of my life since I was about 12.

One of the things that this family does is attend camps at Fort Nisqually, which is a place that I have volunteered at for many years. And the Fort is known for crazy songs that they teach the kids at their summer camps. One such song was called "Threw it out the window". I don't know how the verses go, but the chorus goes "the window, the window, the second story window, high low low high, threw it out the window!" Yeah...I know...its a silly song =) But anyways, I heard this song when this family and my family went camping a few weeks ago. All six kids knew it and were singing it at the top of their lungs! So today Elise and I were wrestling over a ball...and I threatened to throw it out the window. So, "Our Fun Faith Filled Family", Elise and I threw her ball out the second story window (cause thats her bedroom window) and I thought I would tell you this!! Love you guys!!

*note: throwing ANYTHING out the window requires the presence, assistance, and total supervision of an adult, just so you know =)

Do the Puyallup =)

Hey guys!! So its fair time again, something that has been a part of my years since I was like 7. But it also means WORK for me =) I'm going on my fourth year of working the scone booth at the fair. Yes I know to all of you scones are one of the most amazing foods on the planet. To me however, ugh. I still enjoy them, but they aren't nearly as AMAZING to me as they are to you. So moral of the story? If you want to keep your fondness of scones, DO NOT work in a scone booth. Anyhoo, the fair is still pretty incredible. I'm amazed at how many people still come. The attendance has dropped compared to past years but it is still pretty full! And according, to most of the people I've asked, they all like the food. The oddest food I think they have there would have to be the deep-fried booth. They have deep-fried icecream, cookie dough, candy bars, rice crispy bars, deep-fried EVERYTHING! I haven't tried any of it yet...though Carly and I are planning on trying the deep-fried cookie dough. I'm not sure though, I guess well see what the fair brings. Also, a new arrival, is that Conifer (the company that makes fisher scones) are selling mini doughnuts this year! I actually got to work in that booth on Saturday with Carly and Brandon (two pretty amazing people =p) and the doughnuts are quite popular. I didn't try any cause I'm not a huge doughnut fan, but everyone said they were incredible! What else does the fair have? Animals, rides, rodeos, concerts, a ton of cheap gimics, and much more. So long story short, if you have time to make it to the Puyallup Fair, DO IT!
Here's some pictures I took last year:

This was taken right outside my booth

Our break spot - the hot tub booth

Yes, we get BORED standing there all day. Hence, butter creations

It looks kinda evil...its supposed to be an octopus...

SCONES! I stole this picture off the internet...they look much better in person!


Oh, and if you come, come visit me this weekend at the scone booth across from Sillyville!!! =)

¡Te quiero papá!

This morning was one of those mornings that I wanted to throw my alarm clock against the wall and curl up back in bed. Alas, I couldn't and so therefore I didn't (thank goodness). But nothing worked out for me this morning. I just couldn't find the right clothes, and my hair wasn't working the way I wanted it to, neither was my makeup. It was one of those mornings I seriously wanted to just sit in my bathroom and cry (yes, I do have those...not very often but I do every once in a while). So I finally got out the door to work. As we were getting off the train, my dad realized something was wrong and I just lost it. I started complaining and explained why my life was falling apart this morning (because at that point it seemed like it was), but by that point we had arrived at work so I got out of the van and walked up to my desk. About ten minutes later, I see my daddy walking up the stairs, carrying this:



He had gone to the store and bought me flowers!! I'm thinking that I have the most amazing daddy on the planet, no doubt about it. Thank you verrryy much daddy! I love you!!

Beautiful

"Beautiful" by Mercy Me - click here

The days will come when you don't have the strength
When all you hear is you're not worth anything
Wondering if you ever could be loved
And if they truly saw your heart they'd see too much

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are meant for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful

And praying that you have the heart to find
Cause you are more than what is hurting you tonight
For all the lies you've held inside so long
And they are nothing in the shadow of the cross

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are meant for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful

Before you ever took a breath
Long before the world began
Of all the wonders He possessed
There was one more precious
Of all the earth and skys above
You're the one He madly loves
Enough to death

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
In His eyes

You're beautiful
You were meant for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You're meant for so much more than all of this

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His

YOU ARE HIS! =)

Live Out Loud

Hey checka checka mic check one two

Let me break it diggy down for you
We don't think that we anybody cool
But hey we just do what we do

God made us unique and so sweet
So we confidently re-rep this beat
Please don't mistake my swag for the vanity
Believe my faith runs too deep

I go bananas not to draw attention
But to remind you where i come from
X thug now i love more than some
Get one giving hugs when i'm done

Give an autograph not because i'm a star
But 'cause a lil' bit of nice goes far
You can love my style love my car
And i'll show you how i love my God


Turn it up live your life loud bring the noise
Turn it up you're one of a kind lift your voice
Turn it up don't be shy now girls and boys
Live out loud
Turn it up till the speakers go thump to thump
Turn it up everybody do what you want
Turn it up don't be shy now bring the funk
Live out loud


Hey hey you were not meant to
Be be like anybody else 'cause
He he made you unique and
It's a bit of a fail if i want you like me


Can't believe the way you made me
Came out so beautifully
Everything you put inside me
Belongs there so naturally


The world tried so hard to change me
Just to fit inside the mold
But i'd rather be the wonder
That you made though i've been told

It's the way you move the way you talk
That makes you who you are
But i'm not gonna let them change me
Into someone they want


'cause i've been made to shine to change your mind
To question what they say is right
We all were made for something
That's so beyond my mind


Turn it up live your life loud bring the noise
Turn it up you're one of a kind lift your voice
Turn it up don't be shy now girls and boys
Live out loud
Turn it up till the speakers go thump to thump
Turn it up everybody do what you want
Turn it up don't be shy now bring the funk
Live out loud


Who would of though i'd be on your tv
Rockin' the m u l l e t
3 latinos no not family
But 3 amigos on the m i c


See i'm convinced that my heart's at ease
Since my God has predestined me
To be all like be like the army
I just stepped up and took it so gladly


Now here's the interesting part to the story
Christ came and he bought us back for his glory
The same chances i got you got it homey
Why you think i opened the door? it wasn't for me


It's for my brothers and my sisters
That are caught up in the mixture
Your life is the bigger picture
Don't doubt that you're a star


'cause i've been made to shine to change your mind
To question what they say is right
We all were made for something
That's so beyond my mind

Yeah uniqueness is your destination ya'll
And the world's been waiting for you to get there
We all were made to be one of a kind
The genuine article turn your life up


Turn it up that's how we do it
Turn it up now's the time to live loud
Turn it up we gotta bring it up ya'll
Turn it up there's so much more for us
Turn it up we just gotta realize it
Turn it up turn your life up
Live out loud

"Live out Loud" - Group 1 Crew

This is an awesome song! I can't find it on youtube though, at least not anything where you can actually hear the song, but thats okay. Anyways this song really has a lot of truth in it. Be who you are. Take joy in the fact that God created YOU! He designed YOU! Take pride in that (well, pride in a good way =) ) Enjoy who you are and what makes you unique. Loves!
tay

Man vs. God

"Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever."
1 John 2:15-17

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."
Romans 12:2

"Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ."
Galatians 1:10

Can you say boredom?

My free time at work was spent making this =) Hey. I'm sorta creative. However this really reminds me of my american government class spring quarter 2010...oh good times =)

Amistad

Wow...I haven't posted since last week. I'm sorry about that. Not gonna lie, it has been a super rough week. So anything I would have posted would have been probably negative and grumpy. Therefore I applied the basic elementary school principle, "if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all." Hey at least I learned something in elementary school! =) But this morning, and during work, I spent alot of time thinking about friendship and what that looks like. We are created as social human beings. We like/crave/sometimes need relationships. In fact, that relationship aspect of our lives teaches us many many lessons that help us to grow in our relationship with our Lord and Savior. But there were several points in this past week where I wanted to ditch relationships. Live by myself. Become a hermit somewhere. Which is kinda crazy if you think about it because I also feel like my calling in life is to be a missionary, which coincidentally involves maintaining relationships. Thanks God =) So, long story short, I didn't join hermit life this past week no matter how much I wanted to. But I did spend a large amount of time contemplating what being a friend means. Being a friend is a lot like love. It doesn't always feel good. Sometimes you need to make conscience choices to love others, or to be a friend to others (which does involve loving them) even when it doesn't feel very good at all. This is NOT the common concept of friendship. When I looked up the word "friend" in the dictionary, it gave me the following definition:

a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

Does this definition reflect that friendship is a choice or a feeling? Feeling. And this is something that I struggle with alot because my natural tendancy is to operate out of feelings, not what is right. I like to feel good, I'm not gonna lie. When I don't feel good, then my life and often the lives of some people around me can be quite miserable. This has been something God has been attacking in me all summer. And from my point of view, I have made some progress. Just not as much as I would have liked. And this is a part of the reason last week was so miserable. I didn't feel good about a situation, so in turn I decided to live my life miserably and also make the lives of my family miserable as well. And yes, that is my fault. And there were some things that I did last week to fix a situation to make me feel better, but that decision wasn't necessarily right. So its human nature to want to feel good; to want to do things based off of feeling; to make things feel better. However, friendship, much like marriage, is not all about one person. It takes two to have a relationship. So this sorta leads into my second point. I like to throw fits. Now I know that probably sounds really childish, and stupid, and immature. But if I'm going to be honest, when something doesn't go the way I want it to go, or look the way I want it to look, or feel the way I want it to feel, I get mad. I don't like it one bit. And while I was busy this past week being frustrated because some friendships weren't looking the way I wanted them to look, I totally and completely didn't realize that what I was doing was throwing the 18-year-old version of a temper tantrum. I was mad because my friendships weren't going the way that I wanted them to. But on the train this morning, God showed me something. It went sorta like this...

God: Hey Tay. Youre sorta irritated with those people because they aren't treating you like you want them to treat you right?
Me: Yep. Thats about it.
God: What aren't they doing for you?
Me: Well,  just let me tell you. They aren't doing X, they don't care about Y, and Z isn't even on their radar!
God: Oh really. Is that so?
Me: Um yep!
God: Well. Lets think about this. Friendship is two sided right?
Me: Yeah. But God, they aren't even doing their side.
God: Okay. But are you doing yours? Are you doing X, do you care about Y, and is Z on your radar?
Me: Um.....nnoooooo.......but God, you just dont understand!
God: Tay, I do understand. You take care of you being a good friend and don't try to control how they are being a friend.
Me: But...
God: No but's Tay. You are responsible for you.

Ouch. God kinda wacked me upside the head there. It is so much easier for me to focus on what other people aren't doing right than to focus on what I'm not doing right. I can't control other people. At all. Haha if I could, relationships would be waayyyy easier. But then again everyone would be able to control everyone and we might have a battle of controlness on our hands =p But back to the point, I am responsible for me and no one else. I get frustrated when a friend doesn't support me in my decisions. Do I support my friends in their decisions? Not always. I get frustrated when a friend doesn't want to work things out. Do I want to work things out with my friends? Sometimes. I get frustrated when my friends ignore me. Do I ignore them? Occasionally. So apparently, I have more to do with this than I thought. But that was my point for this post. We are responsible for us. When we stand before our Lord and Savior on the day of judgement, we will be responsible for giving an account of ourselves. Ourselves alone. Not Bob over there, or Sally, or George. Us. Me. Alone. Period. And so that is what I'm responsible for. Making sure that my life glorifies God. And it sure doesn't when I am a horrible friend. So I encourage you that when you get frustrated because a friend isn't doing such-n-such, think about whether you do such-n-such for your friends. And if you do, great! That still doesn't give you a reason to judge them because we are all human and we all make mistakes. But if you don't do such-n-such for your friends, focus on that. Focus on what you are in control of rather than what you're not.

PS: So I posted this post BEFORE lunch break today. When I got to lunch break and turned my phone on, I got a text message with the daily Bible verse which was "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving eachother, just as in Christ God forgave you" Ephesians 4:32. Thanks God for Bible-slapping me =)

Pretty stinking amazing weekend =)

I haven't posted since friday...the reason being because I've been INSANELY busy all weekend!! I hung out with a friend for coffee thursday night, Amelia came over friday night for the weekend, hung out with Spencer (a friend from RockSolid) in Seattle on Saturday, and then Alyssa and Holly joined Amelia and I on Saturday night for a girls night. So all in all, amazing weekend! I posted a bunch of pictures under the "pictures" tab. Check them out!!! Oh, and thank you guys for such an INCREDIBLE weekend!!! Loves!

Heavy rain = amazing puddles :)

Rain. It actually annoys me most of the year...but for some reason today I loved it. I'm not really sure why. But its sunny in Seattle right now and there are a lot of puddles outside on the ground. Now call me a 3-year-old but I love jumping in puddles! It's even waayyy better when I'm wearing rainboots. But alas, I am not today. I am just wearing converse. However, there are still puddles on the ground, I'm still Taylor, therefore I will still utilize the puddles. I guess there isn't really any point to this post other than that I encourage you all to at least jump in one puddle today =) 

Pecado

"What shall we say, then? Is the law sin? Certainly not! Indeed I would not have known what sin was except through the law. For I would not have known what coveting really was if the law had not said, "Do not covet." But sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, produced in me every kind of covetous desire. For apart from law, sin is dead. Once I was alive apart from law; but when the commandment came, sin sprang to life and I died. I found that the very commandment that was intended to bring life actually brought dath. For sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, decieved me and through the commandment put me to death. So then, the law is holy and the commandment is holy, righteous, and good. Did that which is good, then, become death to me? By no means! But in order that sin might be recognized as sin, it produced death in me through what was good, so that through the commandment sin might become utterly sinful. We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is not longer I myself who di it, but it is sin living in me.I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do - this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God - through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin."
Romans 7:7-25

I have read this passage many many times. However, every time that I have read it I always become so confused because Paul words this section semi-trickily (and yes...I know thats not a word=p ). But this morning was different. I was reading it on the train on the way to work today and all of a sudden it made so much sense. Its like a lightbulb went on in my brain. First of all, I admire Paul. I really do. I find him to be so humble in this passage. I mean he just states how he acts as a result of his sinful nature, hence the whole 'I do what I do not want to do' thing. He doesn't argue, he doesn't deny that that is how his sinful nature works. He just accepts it and states it as fact, and then declares that God is supreme and able to forgive him of the sins he commits as a result of having a sinful nature. This is also the same guy that said "therefore I will boast all the more in my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest upon me". He really does. In his weaknesses, Christ's glory and power may abound and be shown. That was one thing that blew me away by this passage. The second is that I relate to this so much. I have the desire to do good, however I have such a difficult time carrying that desire out. I thought that that was just me. Apparently not. I mean Paul, one of the greatest evangelists of all time, dealt with this too. We all sin huh? Heck yes. And he ends this passage by saying that he is a wretched man...and then goes on to say that Christ isn't and thanks be to God for saving him from his life of sin. It goes to show that Christ can redeem all. He really can. He can take our worst mistakes and use them to honor and glorify God. There is nothing that we can do that can seperate us from the love of God. And we aren't expected to be perfect. We will make mistakes. We will. It's how we learn. And God knows this. He knows that we have a sin nature. He allowed it. Not because that was a part of His perfect will, but because as a result of the birth of sin, we were in need of a savior. And without that sin, there would have been no need for Jesus to die on the cross. See? God didn't plan for sin. That was not a part of His perfect plan. He allowed it to happen. And He used it to glorify Himself all the more. Praise be to God! Now can we just go on sinning with the intention of glorifying God with our sin? haha no! We are called to follow Christ's example, which isn't sin. To honor Him with our lives. To live the best that we can for Him. So I just really wanted to share this passage with you. I hope maybe it speaks to you like it spoke to me this morning. And that the truth is this- que todo de la gente tienen problemas con pecado, pero nuestros Dios enviaba su hijo para salvanos de pecado; y todo la alabanza y honor y gloria a El para esa, por siempre amen.

Happy birthday Daddy!!

Hey guys! Alright...another update. My daddy's birthday was today...he turned 21 ;) Nothing much exciting happened...he had work and then we went to Red Robin tonight. The waitresses sang to him and announced that he was celebrating his 21st birthday...haha our table laughed.

God has blessed me with such an amazing daddy. He is always loving and kind and caring...and he takes my humor well. He got me a job for the summer, and is continuing to help me get ready for college. He is a man who follows God with all of his heart and clearly demonstrates that to his family and anyone he is in relationship with in many ways. Thank you God for my daddy...oh and happy birthday dad!! I love you!

Imma Imma Imma Doug

"Hello! My name is Doug! My master made me this collar so that I can talk with humans...SQUIRREL"

One of the things that made me laugh so much about Doug, as well as all of the other dogs in Up was the fact that they could be so on track with something and then suddenly get distracted by a squirrel. And I mean be on track with something important. Take the final "battle" persay of the movie. All of the bad dogs are flying fighter jets and trying to harm the main characters. They are on a mission. And then all Russell (a good guy) had to yell was "SQUIRREL" and the dogs immediately tried to focus on the squirrel (which didn't even exist). For peteys sake they were on a mission to find and distroy (which I would call important from their side) and yet they got distracted...by imaginary squirrels.

I think that my name actually might be Doug sometimes. I get so distracted by the things around me. I was listening to another Tenth Avenue North song yesterday and the chorus goes like this:

Look at all the pretty things that steal my heart away; I can feel I'm fading. 'Cause Lord I love so many things that keep me from your face; come and save me!

It's so crazy. I could be totally and completely focused on God...like hard core! And then all of a sudden something comes along and I go "squirrel!", though in my case it might be "stress!", "looks!", "popularity!", "boys!"; I could go on and on. But you get the point. I'm like Doug. I can be completely focused and then something pretty comes along and I go "oooooo sparkles!" I lose sight of where I was. I walk off the path. But that's silly because the path I was on was God's path wasn't it? And silly insignificant things like sparkles, or squirrels, can distract me from God's path? Taylor did you lose your brain somewhere? His path is so important yet I get distracted by unimportant things. Why?! Man humans are so confusing sometimes. Actually a lot of the time, if we're going to be honest. God's really brought this into my mind this morning because I've been thinking a lot what it means to be sold out for Christ...what does that look like? And then also what keeps me from being sold out for Christ? And then I realized that a lot of my distractions from God are the small things that sparkle and are insignificant. It's like I'm taking the cheap dollar store diamond ring instead of the real legit diamond ring from the jewelry store. What are we thinking?!? So I challenge anyone who reads this to think and try to figure out what your "squirrels" are? And how can you submit those "squirrels" to God? Don't be a Doug =p

loves!

tay

האור עומד בחושך

"So you thought you had to keep this up. All the work that you do so we think that you're good. And you can't believe it's not enough. All the walls you built up are just glass on the outside. So let 'em fall down. There's freedom waiting in the sound when you let your walls fall to the ground. We're here now.

This is where the healing begins, this is where the healing starts. When you come to where you're broken within; the light meets the dark. The light meets the dark.

Afraid to let your secrets out. Everything that you hide can come crashing through the door now. But too scared to face all your fear. So you hide but you find that the shame won't disappear. So let it fall down. There's freedom waiting in the sound when you let your walls fall to the ground. We're here now.

Sparks will fly as grace collides with the dark inside of us. So please don't fight this coming light - let this blood come over us; His blood can cover us!

This is where the healing begins, this is where the healing starts. When you come to where you're broken within; the light meets the dark. The light meets the dark."

"Healing Begins" - Tenth Avenue North

One, I think that Tenth Avenue North is one of the most incredible bands ever. I mean it. If you haven't listened to their new CD, "The Light Meets the Dark", I would definately recommend it!! I had a hard time only posting thoughts about only one song. But this one really spoke to me. I think that as humans we tend to build up walls around us. We put in self protections so that we don't get hurt. Each time we get hurt, we contend with that by adding another brick to our wall. And it gets higher and higher until we can no longer see the truth that lies on the outside of the wall. I'm speaking from personal experience here. I have built some pretty high walls this past year. Every time I was hurt, one of the ways I would deal is by building my wall higher to the point where I didn't let people in. I didn't let them get to my heart. And instead of crying when I was hurt, I would become mad. Mad in an effort to protect myself. And when people told me that I had to tear my walls down, it scared me so bad! If I let go of everything that I controlled (or thought I did); if I let my walls come crashing down, I would be a sitting duck. I would just get hurt more. But in reality, healing can't begin until those walls are gone. As soon as I gave up; as soon as I quit fighting; as soon as I started to cooperate with what my Heavenly Father wanted to do in my life, He began to heal the wounds that had remained open for the past year. He started to fix them. But that couldnt happen until my walls came crashing down. Until those dark, brick, constricting walls of lies came crashing in and the light met the dark.

8/23 a 9/23 = 31 diás/una mes!

Today marks the fact that I have one month until I will be moving into a dorm at SPU!! SOO excited for that day. However, as a result of the fact that I will be moving out of the room that I have lived in since the beginning of High School, I had a TON to clean out! I mean alot. Anyone who knows me knows I am constantly cleaning. Like all the time =) Mainly because I have a small room, I'm a packrat, and I always just dump and go until I can no longer see my floor. So basically my mom and I spent Saturday night cleaning out my entire room preparing to leave because I don't have any free weekends until I leave. It was good that I got through and forced myself to go through piles of junk. However, I have learned so much in that room and to see it empty is rather sad. To remove all of the things I have collected over the past year on my ribbon board and place them in a box labled senior year just brought tears to my eyes. I had soo much fun this past year, in and amongst learning alot of hard lessons, but it finally hit me that I am leaving. I have graduated High School, I have my AA degree, and I will be attending a university. I guess sometimes God brings us new stages in life before we think we are ready for them because it is a part of His plan, and as I prepare to move on, I know God will equip me to cherish my high school years, but also to embrace my college ones.

My room before it was cleaned. The entire room really looked like that...piles everywhere and I had stuff all over the walls.

My room now =/ All of my walls, doors, and windows are clean. Bookshelf is empty as well as my desk. And that pile of stuff at the end of my bed is suitcase #3 for college =p

Family Fun Center

Okay so this is an update post =p there isn't any deep theological thoughts here...not that there were in any of my other posts but oh well. So I spent the night with Alyssa and Holly at the family fun center!! Oh my goodness...SO MUCH FUN!!! We had a blast just being silly. We went gocarting, lazertagging, epic scream swinging, raced some cars, minnie golfing, and a ton more!! God has blessed me sooo much with Holly and Alyssa!! They are amazing friends =) Love you guys =) Thank you for an amazing night!!!

God is amazing. Solid fact.

Okay! So I really have to tell you about yesterday! It was amazing =)

So my body decided to wake me up yesterday at 4 am with intense stomach pains. Great. So I took some medicine and grabbed a heat pad and climbed back in bed since I had no need to be up until 5:30 for work. However, my mind was awake enough and my stomach hurt bad enough that I couldn't fall back asleep. So I got up, and actually messed arround a little bit with the design of this blog. 5:30 rolls around and I got ready for work and got on the train, still wide awake and cheerful. I don't really know why. Being a girl, we have a week each month that is usually a bit more emotional than the rest, and yesterday was the beginning of that week. I should have, knowing me, been super cranky yesterday as a combination of that and the fact my stomach hurt all day long and I had gotten less sleep than I normally do. But I wasn't. I was actually really cheerful and happy all day long. That was the first indication that God was working yesterday. Then I got home and watched a movie with my family after work. During the movie, a friend texted me and asked if I wanted to do something with her family today. For a couple different reasons, I had to say no. I really didn't want to say no. At all. One of the reasons that I've been worried about going to college was because I didn't really want to leave my friends here. I was afraid. I was afraid that I would lose them when I left and we wouldn't be close friends anymore. But last week God told me something. He said "Hey tay, you aren't trusting me with your friends. Let me have them. Let me work in this area of your life". So I did. One way of doing that was that I deleted my facebook...opening a door for God to work. But last night, I just didn't feel like trusting God. One of my friends had finally asked me to do something last night, and I couldn't. I sat crying in my room (this is where that whole emotional girl thing plays in =p) because I wanted to trust God, and I was trying to so hard. But it didn't seem like He was doing anything. So as I was crying and praying in my room, my phone vibrated. I looked down at it and I had gotten a txt from this friend of mine suggesting something else to do tomorrow that I would be able to do. Wow. God works in amazing ways huh? And the amazing part for me is that I don't deserve it. I stated this earlier, but I really don't deserve God's love, miracles, or grace. I have made some pretty stupid and unforgivable decisions this past year. I spent most of the year rebelling against authority. And yet, even after I spent a year running away, God still is right there for me to run back to and He still loves me and He still wants to work in my life!! Why?? Because by Him giving me what I don't deserve and not giving me what I do deserve, He gains glory and honor and praise. That is why I exist right? Is this to say that I can just walk around doing whatever I want? haha heck no! But it does mean that when I do screw up, and I honestly humbly repent of it, God will forgive me. PTL for that!!! So after this, I grabbed my mandolin and just started singing. My dad came in and I explained to him what had happened and he started singing with me. After that, I watched a couple different Veggie Tale videos with Cole and my daddy, and the crazy thing is the theme of both videos were trust God. Realize that even though His plans may sound crazy, or we may be scared to follow them, we should trust Him anyways. Ironic? Well, I just had to tell you about my amazing day yesterday and that God is just amazing. Solid fact.

loves =)
tay

We be confus-ed

Humans can be confused people. At least I think so. I was thinking today how about a month ago, I thought that if one thing in my life changed, then my life would be great; fantastic! But then as soon as that one thing changed, it just made my life more confusing and now I sorta wish it never had. Has that ever happened to you? It just makes me realize how little we know and how much God knows. Theres been so many times throughout my junior high and high school years where I thought "if I acted this way, if I did that, if I (insert comment here), life would be better!" But it never was.In reality, I was usually worse off in the end. In fact, this reminds me of a certain disney song... "The seaweed is always greener in somebody elses lake; you dream about goin up there but that is a big mistake; just look at the world around you, right here on the ocean floor. Such wonderful things surround you, what more is you lookin for?!?" Its when I took my eyes off of God, and off of the amazing things He has given me and I try to put my eyes on my steering wheel and try to control my life and look at that one thing God hasn't given me that I start to lose. Lose everything. God has blessed me with so many INCREDIBLE things. I'm not kidding. I have fabulous parents, amazing sibilings, wonderful honarary brothers, great friends, I've been blessed incredibly with my education and economic status, and much more! But above that, I have a God who loves me...who says He has a plan for me...who wants to hold me when I cry myself to sleep...and wants to dance with me when I am overfilled with joy...who forgives me no matter how many times I throw mud in His face...and STILL wants me to run to Him. That is the most amazing incredible fabulous blessing that I could ever be blessed with! And yet I still demand more of Him? I still like to take my life back and say "hey God, now if only I could change this one part, you know, edit it a bit...maybe make it a little better for me, then life would be great! Are you cool with that slight modification?" Man...us humans think crazy things sometimes. I encourage you, as I know I will be trying, to remember all the beautiful and amazing blessings God has given you! And thank Him for that! loves =)

--tay--

Dorm Room?!?

So I got to see my dorm room for the first time yesterday!! It was very exciting! As the summer is slowly rolling by, I am becoming more and more excited for school. Which is good because at the beginning of the summer, I was still nervous about the whole moving to school thing. God has been working on my heart this summer, slowly but surely preparing me to leave my friends and family in Ptown and move to Seattle. There are so many changes that needed to be made that I had no idea about at the beginning. But God has worked miracles in my life this summer and all the praise and honor and glory to Him for that. But I am getting excited. Its a month away! As I have almost completed my dorm shopping, and recieved both my music book and my linguistics book today (and like a total nerd, I HAD to look at them the moment I got them - I am VERY excited for both these classes), I'm anxious. But alas...I still have a month left =/ I'm ready. At least I think I am...God may have different ideas. However I do not feel nearly old enough to be a junior in college...but I guess thats how life rolls huh? Enjoy the pictures of my empty and bare dorm room (for now) and when my roomie and I move in, I'll post some more =)

Worthy =)

So I was talking with a friend the other day who just recently entered a relationship and she was saying how she felt unworthy for him...but he found her incredible. She didn't feel worthy of him. I've done alot of thinking about this lately, especially as I am reaching that age where I might meet "the one". I wonder if I will ever be worthy of him or ever feel worthy of him. In reality I won't because I ain't. I'm not worthy of someone who will love me for me....and stay with me by my side until the day I die. I'm not. But heres the thing. I'm not worthy of God either. I'm not worthy of the grace and mercy and love that He shows me day in and day out. After all of the wrong things I've done, I deserve to die. Literally. I deserve death. Yet God STILL loves me; He STILL wants to use me; and He STILL forgives me. He says that if I come running back to Him, He will take me in with open arms. What an incredible amazing indescribable God we serve huh? He CHOOSES to bless us with things that we don't deserve, like a spouse. My friend said it in an amazing way: "I don't NEED him, but I want him". God chooses to bless us with a husband or wife to live by us and be an example of the sort of love that He is for us. We don't NEED that person, but oh boy we sure want them. They aren't made to be first in our lives. God is supposed to be first in our lives. But they are there to seek God together with us. Again I say, what an incredible God we serve!!!

Don't know if this made sense or if it sounded random, but it was on my mind so i wrote it =)

Lead Me

I look around and see my wonderful life
Almost perfect from the outside
In picture frames I see my wonderful wife
Always smiling
But on the inside, I can hear her saying

Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us
Show me your willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone

I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They're just children from the outside
I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine
They're independendent
But on the inside, I can hear them saying

Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us
Show me your willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone

So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't you lead me?

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't wanna leave them hungry for love
Chasing things that I could give up
I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

"Lead Me" by Sanctus Real

New ideas?

My mom told me the other day that I should start a blog. So I did. We'll see how this goes. I have a lot of ideas that run around in my head during a given week...maybe if I can start getting some of them out my head won't be so crowded =p Anyways...this is all for now. Jthought my page looked a bit lonely without a post. Hope you all are having a wonderful sunday!!