#unworthy

I hear the Savior say “thy strength indeed is small. Child of weakness, watch and pray, find in me thine all in all”. Jesus paid it all, all to Him I owe. Sin had left a crimson stain [and] He washed it white as snow. Oh praise the One who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead.


Joseph and I had the opportunity to help run a youth missions training this past weekend in Kent, WA. This actually was the first training that I have been able to attend with Joe, so I was a trainer in training which meant I got to observe everyone and how the training ran, and then studied all the presentations and gave them to a YMI staff member. When we train a missions trip, we focus on many different things. We do quite a few team building activities, cultural awareness training, simply talk about what the Gospel is, and share different practical tips as well. We also try to prepare our students by helping them learn to share the Gospel through a few different resources. One of these resources is a “Gospel Bracelet”. I’m sure you have seen one of these. It is simply a piece of string with five colored beads strung on: yellow, black, red, white, green, with each bead representing something different. Yellow (heaven), black/dark (sin), red (blood), white/clean (salvation), green (growth). Then we teach youth how to walk through the Gospel story incorporating each of these five colors. I’ve heard this presentation a million times, but it hit me this last weekend when the staff member that presented the bracelet got to the white/clean bead.

Granted, in both the hymn and the bracelet, it is referring to our salvation and how we were saved from our sin nature and when we entered into the beautiful relationship with our Savior. And that, in-and-of-itself, is a HUGE miracle. I mean we were sinners destined for Hell and by the grace of God we can be redeemed, destined for eternity with Him.

Unworthy. Blessed. Saved.

But what happens after that initial saving of our lives?

“For we know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin
might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin”
-Romans 6:6

We have been set free from sin, but we still sin. We are humans, we have a sin nature. Only by the grace of God are we saved in Him but we still battle that sin nature every day. While we are assured forgiveness if we ask for it, that still does not give us the freedom to sin but we don’t have the power alone to abstain from it.

“What then? Are we to sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means! ...But thanks be to God, that you who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart to the standard of teaching to which you were committed, and, having been set free from sin, have become slaves of righteousness”
-Romans 6:15, 17-18

“Through Him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God”
-Romans 5:2

By and through Christ we have obtained access into His grace. And our sins that were forgiven were forgiven for the past, the present, and the future.

Here is what gets me. Not only were we saved from the depths into His grace, He permits us to live in that grace for eternity. Meaning, even though you have now been saved, the sins you continue to commit (because your sin nature still wars with Christ after your conversion) are still being washed away and you STILL appear white as snow in Christ’s eyes.

Mind blown. (to be read with Gru’s accent from Despicable Me)

See, the way I would see it (which means it’s probably a good thing I’m not God) is that I would look at someone and go “Yo, I saved you. I saved your life. But you are continuing to make such stupid decisions?? Fine, no more saving for you!” And obviously, I’m not gansta either.

But that’s not what Christ does. Our faith in Him is not based on works but rather on faith and it is by HIS works that we are saved. And He chooses to continue to save us and purify us and cleanse us no matter what. He forgives us, and sees us to be His perfect and holy Bride.

I am humbled to the floor by the fact that Christ does not hold my sins against me. I can be set free and redeemed from my sins by asking His forgiveness. Why? I am not worthy of it, I don’t always make the right decisions, I shouldn’t be given it. But that’s the beauty of His forgiveness. Ask, and you will receive. Our forgiveness and our purity and our cleanliness are not determined by our own works but by His. Our salvation is not based on our works but upon our faith. Our life is not for our own glory but for His magnification. So all we can do is accept this beautiful gift of forgiveness, and rejoice in the freedom He bestows. Daily. Weekly. Monthly. Yearly. For life. Do you accept His forgiveness?

Then, due to the forgiveness that we have been extended, we are called to “forgive each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive” (Colossians 3:16). If I were to be honest, I would admit that often I find it hard to forgive others. I hold people to a very high standard, and when they fall short of that standard I often respond with bitterness and frustration. But when I look at the extent to which the Lord has forgiven and loved me and extended me grace upon grace, then why do I have such a hard time extending grace to others?

“Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus”
- Philippians 2:3-5

Do nothing from rivalry, but count others more significant. This is a pretty heavy challenge, no?

I would like to end simply with this, and leave you something to think about. Do you marvel at the grace God has given to you, or is it simply an “old shoe” when it comes to His blessings? Do you realize the gravity of the grace He has given you? And are you willing to extend that grace to others, knowing you are demonstrating Him to that person?

We were destined for hell. Yet for some unseen reason, we are saved by the Almighty God. Praise be to Him. 

November 2013 Update Letter

Our first update letter as husband and wife! If you would like to know what Joe and I are up to, or how the Lord is using us and working in our lives, please read this! We are SO thankful for all that the Lord did this summer, and look forward to seeing His faithfulness continue as we seek to bring Him the glory!

PS: If you would like to be on our email list for this, please email Joe at joseph@ymimissions.org

-Joe n' Tay

We're going on an adventure!

From this...

April 29th, 2012

 To this...

April 13th, 2013

To this....

August 17th, 2013

23 days. I'm getting married in 23 days. I will be Mrs. Joseph Keith in 23 days. That's just over three weeks away, in case you didn't know. 23 days. Think I'm excited? Maybe a little.... :) Okay, I'll stop with the excitement.

But no seriously. I'm super excited. But one of the questions I am getting asked the most is what I'm the most excited about. And the question always makes me stop and think. What exactly is it that I'm the most excited about? Is it not having to say good bye every night? Is it the adventures I'm sure we will have? Is it being able to have and raise a family with my husband? Is it the countless nights we will spend eating dinner together just talking? Is it the companionship? Is it the countless messes that will be made while we wash dishes after dinner? Is it the arguments I know we will persevere through just because we love the other?

While I truly am excited about all of those things, I think what I am most excited about is learning more about the Lord through my husband, and seeking and serving the Lord alongside my husband. I'm not married, so my following thoughts are only pontifications, but as Joe and I have spent the last couple months in counseling and as we have been studying and preparing, I realized one very important thing: my life is not about my marriage. My life, as it always has been, will continue to remain about the Lord and His glory. Our marriage will be about the Lord and His glory. And while Joe becomes the second most important person in my life, the first is still the Lord. As I have begun to let this fact seep in, the Lord is giving me such a joy and excitement about simply serving Him alongside my best friend and companion for as long as the Lord shall give us. I am excited to learn more about Christ through my marriage, and I am amazed at how much I have already learned about the Lord through the way that Joe has loved me, and as well through the way that I am called to serve Joe. I am excited to fight, and I am excited to cry. I am excited to laugh, and I am excited to play, and I am excited to grow into the ornery mischievous old couple that I want us to be. But most of all, I am excited to serve the Lord alongside the most amazing, wonderful man I could ever have dreamed of (let alone be blessed to marry), and see what the Lord is going to do in and through us.

We would very much appreciate your prayers as we begin this new stage in life, as I know we will fail each other many times and experience the Lord's grace so many more times. Thank you so much for celebrating and supporting us as we are about to begin this new adventure!

On a side note, the Lord provided an apartment for us! I moved in last weekend, and hope to post pictures soon :) God, in His faithfulness, is sovereign over all and He is providing. Praise the Lord!

Grande es su fidelidad

“Great is Thy faithfulness,” O God my Father, there is no shadow of turning with Thee; thou changest not, thy compassions, they fail not as Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be. “Great is Thy faithfulness!” “Great is Thy faithfulness!“ Morning by morning new mercies I see; all I have needed Thy hand hath provided— “Great is Thy faithfulness,” Lord, unto me!
"Come and see what the Lord has done...be still, and know that I am God" -Psalm 46:8,10

46 days until I marry my best friend.

46 days to plan and put on a wedding, find an apartment, try to lock down a job, figure out insurance, do a sports camp, complete my current job, move out, and other things I'm sure I'm forgetting. I have come to realize that life post-graduation is rather stressful, especially in today's economy. And I don't handle stress very well. I went from being secure in my job and education pre-June, to being an engaged graduate with a BA but no job, no place to live (in three months), and not even sure where God was calling her currently. Okay, maybe a bit of an exaggeration...but that's what it felt like! I don't like the unknown. I never have. But over the last month, God has really been stretching me in that area by allowing much of my life to be unknown at this point. 

The biggest thing that I have found stressful is a job. While I have applied to many places, I've gotten turned down at a couple and not heard back from the others. I keep on looking, but nothing seems to be working out. And if I'm completely honest, that makes me nervous. And my prayer has been, as David prayed, "Lord, lead me to the rock that is higher than I" (Psalm 61). I, in no way, have any control over my circumstances. But God has every control over them. I am constantly reminded that He has the power to plop a job in my lap if He so desired. But He isn't, so there is something I must need to learn through this process. And I think part of that something is learning to trust in His faithfulness.

I am reminded of a time when I was around 14. I felt this huge burden to sponsor a child in India, where I was visiting later that year. I really wanted to, and really felt God calling me to. But I didn't have the money to do it. So I prayed and I prayed, and two days later God had "plopped" two different babysitting jobs in my lap that would cover the sponsorship costs. God called me to something, and He provided. 

Two years later, I felt God calling me to go to Guatemala with YMI. But the calling came two months before the launch. I had to raise my entire trip fund in two months, to which God miraculously provided over the amount I had to raise. God called me to something, and He provided. 

Fast forward two more years, I was a freshman in college at Seattle Pacific University, and was in need of a job. I ended up getting a job in Facilities, that continued to be my job during my entire time at SPU. God called me to something, and He provided.

Sophomore year of college, I felt called to switch dorms and room with my friend Emily. Through a series of events, we had to switch floors as well, and God placed us on a floor a week before school started where we knew no one and felt so out-of-place. We spent time in prayer over the year, and God provided amazing opportunities for us to invest in the lives of the girls around us. God called us to something, and He provided. 

I have felt called into missions, yet fearful and nervous about what that would look like, and if I would be alone to do it or not. What guy would want to just go serve with me? Let alone, I had no idea how I wanted to serve and felt rather direction-less. Yet, a year and a half ago, God brought Joseph into my life to be my husband, who has an incredible passion for the church and missions. God called me to something, and He provided. 

My house where I have lived for the past 5 years.

My mom is a breast cancer survivor.

My fiance bought a ring to propose to me.

My passion and love of music, and ability to pursue my passion in instruments.

5 Mission trips.

God calls. and He always provides. 

As I look back at the countless ways God has provided for me over my life, I am reminded that He will always provide for me when I am seeking His will. And I am so glad that He is the one who will provide, and I am not needing to make it happen. So I choose to trust in His never-ending faithfulness, and realize that He will not abandon us. In these times of uncertainty, I am certain of this. I have a God who has saved me. I have a fiance whom I WILL marry in 46 days. and I will never be alone because He is always there. Be still, and know that He is God. 

Engaged!! From Her Side

For those of you who have asked for this story, here it is in full detail (probably more detail than you ever wanted to know!).

For those of you who have no clue what I’m talking about, read on :)

This last Saturday (April 13, 2013), I went on a date. This was actually my birthday date (I turned 21 on Friday), and so Joe offered to take me out for my birthday. I complied on one condition: he was not allowed to buy me anything for my birthday because I knew he was saving up for a ring, and I wanted him to just put money towards that. So we agreed (or so I thought). I had been at a friend’s house helping her put together wedding invitations for her wedding in June, and so I asked Joe to meet me there. He picked me up around 11. As soon as I got in the car, he hands me an envelope and says “there shall be no arguing, questioning, or complaining from this point forward.” I looked at him a little oddly, but agreed. He continued, “You have always wanted to do an Amazing Race, and so today we are going to do one. That envelope is your first clue.”

At this point, a bit excited, I opened the first clue which led to a half-constructed house that we had taken shelter in a few weeks prior when our walk was rudely interrupted by a monsoon. Following this first clue were twenty more, totaling 21 locations. At each location, Joe had written down a character quality that he appreciated about me and where he found that quality in scripture. Most of these locations were places Joe and I had been on dates, though a few were new to me. In case you want to see some of the locations, here they are:

Half-built home

Clark's Creek Park

Roegner Park

Rainforest Cafe

Sounders Stadium, First Date**

Greenlake

Gasworks Park

Kerry Park

Discovery Park

Our last location was Discovery Park in Seattle. I received the 20^th clue, which read “Shine your light for all to see. Time to walk”. There was a lighthouse about a mile away, so we began to walk. We ended up taking the “road less traveled” to get to our destination, which involved semi-skipping down steep sand dunes through the woods to get to the beach. I don’t think that was the way we were supposed to go, but we had an adventure anyways. About twenty minutes later, we reached the lighthouse.

Now, just so you know, the weather last Saturday was supposed to be horrible! I mean downpour of rain all day long. But we were blessed tremendously up until this point with fairly okay weather. It was still cloudy, but the sun would peak through at points and we only walked in the rain once. Praise Jesus! As we approached the lighthouse, we could see (and hear) a thunder storm off to the left, so we knew we didn’t have a lot of time here. We walked around the front of the lighthouse and took a couple pictures.

View from the beach

Puget Sound

The Lighthouse

Without moving from my spot at the fence, Joe handed me the last clue. The character quality he appreciated about me was Love, and he had written me a poem about it. He concluded the poem with

“Now I have something I want to read and promise you”

(For those wondering, this is where I started to pick up on what was happening).

He pulled out another piece of paper and read from Ephesians 5, which talks about husbands loving their wives as Christ loves the Church. He told me how much he loved me, and that he wanted to love me forever like Christ loves the church. He got down on one knee, pulled out a ring, and asked me to marry him!!!

Storm is starting to set in, but we're engaged!

I was in complete and utter shock. We had been talking about getting married, but I hadn’t expected it for a couple more months. I managed to give him an overly excited yes as I stood there speech-less and breath-less, attempting to get my mind wrapped around the fact that this just happened and I was actually going to marry the love of my life!! We stood there for a few minutes, received our first congratulations from a father and his kids that just happened to be on the beach and watched him propose to me. I just didn’t move, still attempting to process all the excitement and joy and amazement that I was feeling. It wasn’t until Joe reminded me that there was a thunderstorm about to set in and we were a mile from the car. We began to walk back and no sooner than we left the lighthouse, it began to hail. HARD.

By the time we reached the car we were completely drenched. Joe had made dinner reservations downtown Seattle at P.F. Changs, and thankfully by the time we reached them we had mostly dried off. We had dinner, received a sweet congratulations from the kitchen staff, and headed down south to tell my parents (well, sorta. Joe had already asked their permission).

The sweet kitchen staff at P.F. Changs

As we got closer to home, Joe suggested going to the church to map out where we wanted everything to fit for the wedding. Since we had been planning on getting married, we had actually already begun to talk wedding planning. He knew I wanted to get married at our church, so we decided to stop by while it was still light out. As we pulled into the church parking lot, there were a ton of cars there. I asked Joe about them, and his reply was “well, they think we’re having a surprise birthday party for you, which we are. What they don’t know is that it is also an engagement party”.  We walked inside, everyone yelled “SURPRISE!!!” and sang happy birthday, and then gave the mic to Joe. He thanked everyone for coming, and then added “oh, and by the way, we just got engaged!” What followed was much rejoicing and hugs and “how did it happen” questions and lots of good food. I felt so incredibly blessed that all these people would come to celebrate my birthday, and then that we got to celebrate our engagement on top of it with our friends and family.

So, that’s how it happened. I am engaged to be married to Joseph Mark Keith on August 17^th, 2013. I am so incredibly blessed to be engaged to the man of my dreams. Joe is the Godliest man that I know, and he is so loving and caring and passionate and gracious and funny. He desires that God is first in his life in everything, and seeks to share the gospel wherever he goes, and yet never ceases to amaze me in how he cares for me (from everything to buying me comfort food during finals to bringing me flowers when I am sick to spending an evening helping me do my homework). I am SO excited to see where God will take us and how He will use us, humbled by the fact that I have the privilege to be Joe's wife for life, and yes I’m just a tiny bit excited for the wedding ;)

If you would like to read his side of the story, please visit his blog!

Unity in Ministry

“For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body—Jews or Greeks, slaves or free—and all were made to drink of one Spirit…But God has so composed the body…that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. 
If one member suffers, all suffer together; 

if one member is honored, all rejoice together.” 

1 Corinthians 12:12-13, 24-26

I have been thinking a bit lately on ministry. As I am finishing up my last quarter of my ministry degree, I have been spending a lot of time thinking about what my ministry has looked like, what it does look like, and what it will look like. As Joe and I have been discussing our individual calls to ministry, we have been learning what our corporate call to ministry may be and would be. As I examine my relationship with the Lord, I am reminded of what ministry is and how its ultimate goal is to spread Him. Spread His love, spread His Gospel, spread His justice, spread Him.

I have felt a call to ministry since I was little. But the biggest thing that keeps on coming back to me as I examine and explore that call happens to be the most uncontrollable, unpredictable, and often the most nerve-wracking factor: people. Now as I have grown and sought the Lord, He has revealed to me that my call involves relationships with people. Yet the thing that scares me the most about ministry is people. How does one reconcile that! The body of Christ is so large, and the amount of people on this earth is so much larger. There are millions who have not heard the gospel, and yet there are millions who have and still disagree. There are people within the church who battle constantly over differences of belief, and there are many within the church who show distain or sometimes hatred for people supposedly within the same body as them. How do you deal with this? How do you deal with a church body that may not meld like we wish, that may not work together like we wish, or that purely just does not like one another? How do you deal with root issues like jealousy, envy, hurt, anger, bitterness, lack of forgiveness?  What I came to realize that scared me the most was the unpredictability and vast amount of differences that came with the body of Christ, the body of ministry, and how utterly unequipped I felt to deal with that.

So, what do you do with the body of Christ?

The body of Christ is exactly that: a body. Hearing this passage growing up, I always thought that it meant that everyone has different roles. One Is a teacher, one is an accountant, one is an underwater basket-weaver, etc. Which it does. But recently, I have come to understand it in a different light.

One of the biggest root issues I have found that hinders unity within the church is the issue of jealousy. I was reading a leadership book the other day for a class I am taking, and one of the authors mentioned that he had a love/hate relationship with leadership conferences. Often, there were very good things to learn at these conferences in how to lead his church in a more Christ-like way. But at the same time, he always left feeling inadequate and comparing his ministry to the ministry of others.  He would see the benefits of another’s style of ministry, and began to envy that.  Being a musician and a worship leader, I have felt often the same way. I have played on many teams and lead many teams throughout my time in music. However, I am a musician. I study music. I write music. I love music. I believe that God reveals certain aspects of himself through music that cannot be experienced through words. So I am constantly on the lookout for ways to enhance the worship experience through music. Many times though this means that I participate in worship under another team and I begin to analyze and compare their musical ability, their song selection, their transitions, and then hold it up against the team that I happened to be a part of at that time. This turns into either arrogance because I felt better than them, or jealousy because I envied their abilities. And often, if I did not deal with this jealousy, it began to turn to dislike for that person. How stupid!

It is through these simple issues that bitterness or dislike begins to form. I have seen it, witnessed it, experienced it, and received it in many ways. You know, that high-schooler who just really knows how to communicate with kids, that worship leader who is extremely talented in his guitar skills, that church deaconess who makes the best pies ever, that children’s pastor who is highly creative and creates the best Sunday school lessons, the pastor who is highly effective with his words and almost always seems to have a “convert” every time he preaches, the greeter who always seems to have a smile on her face, the college leader who does well with managing people and being a leader, etc. I could go on and on.

What I have found is that the most effective way to break up the ministry and body of Christ is to break up his body, literally. To divide and separate the members of a body so that there is no longer a unified people but rather a group of green monsters.

At the same time though, how does one deal with the fact that some people just do not get along? That some worship teams are just better than others? That some people have the gift of teaching Sunday school and others do not? That some are gifted in hospitality, and others are gifted in service? We are created differently. We have different talents. We have different characters. We are different.

I guess what I have come to realize is this: We are all made in the image of God, and He uses us all. But sometimes He uses us in different ways. We are all parts. We all have pros and cons, things we are good at and things we aren’t so great at. But we are all working to honor and glorify the same God, and He loves each of us as much as the other. He uses me for His glory just as much as He uses the other Sunday school teacher. He uses my worship team just as much as He uses the other worship teams, because we are all working at leading our congregations into worship of Him. We are a part of the same team. We are working towards the same goal. We were created by the same God for the same purpose: His glory. I have found that when I start to view others as a part of my team rather than my competition, I gained a new understanding of the body of Christ. There are people I do not get along with and that is ok, we are both still working for the glory of Christ. When I see my brothers and sisters in this light, I begin to see them in a grateful light as opposed to a jealous one. I am grateful for the opportunity to serve alongside them for the glory of our Father. I am grateful for the opportunity to observe their ministry and learn from it, but to have my own as well. I am grateful for the opportunities for ministry that God has given me to be a part of. So my question for you is this: what is your “body part” and how are you working alongside other parts to further His kingdom? 

[grace + mercy]

If you don't know me, let me give a brief introduction of who I am. I'm a college senior studying ministry and music, I attend Seattle Pacific University (Seattle, WA) but I live in Puyallup which is about 45 minutes south as the crow flies (meaning about an 1.5 commute one way). I'm involved in my church (as a Sunday school teacher, a part of the worship team, and in random other stuff), I am dating my best friend, I live with my family, I love going to coffee and being in relationship with those young women around me, and spend way too much time on Pinterest. Enough about me. But I wanted to give you a context out of which I am writing this.

One of the biggest things that I struggle with is learning to find margin in my life. I tend to have a thought process that I can do it all. Which means that obviously I could choose to only get 4 or less hours of sleep a night for multiple weeks in a row and there will be no fall-out what-so-ever (ask my family or Joe and you will learn that is definitely not true). When I moved home for my final year of my undergraduate, I was faced with the seemingly difficult task of not running myself into the ground. And if I'm honest, I haven't quite mastered it yet. But as I begin to look at the rest of my life and what I feel that God is calling me to do with it, I need to learn how to build margin into my life. Not only is it biblical due to the fact that it is a part of keeping my body in healthy shape (physically), Jesus sets multiple examples for us as He would take time away from everyone to rest and pray. If Jesus couldn't run 24/7, then why in the world do I think that I am capable of it?

Now I do understand that some people can handle more than others. I know many, many, people who can handle more than I can. But I also know people who can handle less. I think the important part is learning to completely understand what you can handle, and then how to live within those physical limitations in order to produce the most fruit through your life.

I want to look at the story of the prodigal son. It's a Sunday School favorite and pretty familiar to just about everyone, Christian or not. Basic plotline: a rebellious and disobedient son demands his inheritance from his father, and then leaves home with the inheritance. After squandering all of the money, he is forced to return home unless he wants to die and so he returns attempting to beg his father to employ him as a servant. Yet here is where the unexpected happens. The father welcomes the lost son with open arms, and throws him a party (much to the dismay of the older brother). This story is usually used to show us how Christ welcomes us with open arms when we repent our sin to Him, and how we always have a home in Christ's family. It is a picture of the mercy of God, and His unfailing and never-ending love.

Here's what Luke writes about the prodigal son:

"And he said, 'There was a man who had two sons. And the younger of them said to his father, 'Father, give me the share of property that is coming to me.' And he divided his property between them. not many days later, the younger son gathered all he had and took a journey into a far country, and there he squandered his property in reckless living. And when he had spent everything, a severe famine arose in that country, and he began to be in need. So we went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him into his fields to feed pigs. And he was longing to be fed with the pods that the pigs ate, 

and no one gave him anything.'"

                                                                                                                          - Luke 15:11-16

The part that I want to focus on is this: "And when he had spent everything, a severe famine arose in that country, and he began to be in need".

I don't know if you had ever even noticed that before, but I hadn't. In fact I was reading this passage for a class assignment and read over that and was like "wait, WHAT?" The fact that Luke writes about a famine almost makes it seem like the son would have been okay had it not been for a famine. Which I find pretty parable-shaking. I mean, this takes a bit of the responsibility out of it, I do admit. But let's look at this.

I am not condoning the squandering of inheritances, or really anything that God has blessed you with. If you squander a gift from God, it's stupid. As plain as day, that's stupid. We are called to be stewardesses of what God has blessed us with, whether that be talent or money or children or what-have-you. We are called to use it all for His glory, so I still agree with the common interpretation of this parable. But I want to look at two other lessons that can be learned from this passage.

The first has to do with margin. If the son had had any form of margin in his life, the famine would not have affected him like it did. It wasn't until the famine appeared that he began to be in need. The way the parable is written, while he had no money, he seemed to be surviving just fine until the unexpected happened. I feel like this is the same in my life. I am doing okay, I can manage on 4 hours of sleep and doing assignments the day before they are due, until the unexpected happens: I get sick, my computer quits working, a friend desperately needs my help, my car breaks down, etc. Often times, the places we see God the most are these moments that He throws at us. Life happens in the little things. But when I am so stressed out because I have allowed no room for err in my life, and so I'm worried about not getting enough sleep or not getting my assignment done, I can't enjoy these little moments. I feel as if I have deeply missed some of God's greatest moments in my life because I simply can't slow down enough to see them. This is the only life we have on this earth, so why do we see the need to make it so packed and busy that we can't just stop and smell the roses?

The second lesson I want to pull from this passage is that about grace. First, let's define grace vs. mercy. Grace is getting something for which I've done absolutely nothing to deserve, and mercy is not receiving something that I completely deserve. Often, the parable of the prodigal son is seen in terms of mercy. And I want to look at it through grace. Once the unexpected hit, and the son was forced to return home and admit his silliness, he is still welcomed with open arms. His father could have been like "eh, you screwed up kid", even though most of the blame still lay with the son (though not as much, I believe, as is commonly thought), and just left him alone. Yet the father gives him something the son has done nothing to deserve. He opens His arms and loves him and welcomes him. The son has done nothing to deserve this greeting, yet because of the Father's grace, the son has received it anyways. When I have screwed up and I come humbly before the Father and repent, I receive mercy. Yet even when something happens that I wasn't expecting, so the blame doesn't completely lay on me, yet I come before Him asking Him to help he still provides me with that I don't deserve, so I receive grace. He seeks me out, He pursues, He always provides for my needs.

So how does this apply to real life? I am reminded of the importance of providing both grace and mercy to those around me. I have found that I get easily frustrated with relationships, often because I can't make heads nor tails of them and so my instinct is to get frustrated. But people are dealing with things, sometimes things they can control and sometimes things they cannot. But we are called to love. We are called to forgive. We are called to extend both grace and mercy, just as the Father has extended both grace and mercy to us. When we build margin into our lives, we are much more free to see how others are struggling because we are more others-focused and less self-focused.

Extend well. Love well. Leave room for God to throw things at you. But above all, rest in His glorious and abounding grace and mercy, and remember all that He has done in your life. 

forgive.

love your enemies.

when i was little, this was one of the hardest parts of the Bible to understand. why would God call me to love my enemies? did i even have enemies?

now, as a twenty year old young woman, who went through the entire k-12 education system as well as three years of college, i am beginning to understand what this means. i didn't think i would have enemies, until i was hurt. 

i spent quite a bit of time in upper elementary, junior high, and high school just wanting to fit in. and i never did. i was a part of many different friend groups and people groups. i would find one that i thought might work, until i started to get the feel i didn't fit in. i would stop getting invited to things, left on the outside of conversations, only acknowledged when i pushed for acknowledgement. i had multiple people tell me they just didn't like me, which just frustrated me and confused me. and after this happened enough, i started to build a wall around my heart and my essence. i wouldn't let anyone see the real taylor, because i was too afraid if they did that they would just leave like so many others had. this highly impacted relationships in college that could have been good relationships, but because i was too afraid to be real, those relationships didn't continue. i became clingy, because when i found someone who would be my friend, i was so afraid that i would lose them that i would do anything i could to keep them. i began to trust in myself rather than in my Father. i was hurt. i was broken. i was afraid. but most of all, i became angry. this is not a reaction that i'm proud of, just fyi.

out of my hurt stemmed a bitterness and anger against the people that hurt me. and sadly, some of that bitterness and anger was until quite recently. i had thought i had dealt with it, but it began to eek out in unseen ways with little comments i would make here and there. and God began to point out to me how wrong that was. some of these grudges had been held on to for years and years, and i still had yet to forgive them. why? why was it so hard for me to forgive others, when God so easily forgave me?

regrettably, i often find it harder to forgive others who claim to follow the same God that i do. it's fairly easy to forgive someone who does not understand their need for Christ, or who does not believe in the Bible. it is much harder to forgive someone who lives the same lifestyle that you do, who reads and follows the Bible, and who seeks to serve the same God that i do. what i am about to write is primarily about forgiving other Christians. 

i found it rather frightening, and scary, and condemning, and convicting, and shaming  and embarrassing...that i disliked so many people. and some of them were for very stupid reasons. i realized that i tended to judge people rather easily, and not talk to certain people just because i did not think they were "worthy" of my time. how arrogant and stupid is that? how prideful? how much does this reveal about my heart? when i began to see the darkness of my anger, i felt very ashamed. and i still do.

so i began to figure out what i needed to do to change this. first, why was it important to forgive others? i mean if they really had hurt me, why did i need to forgive them? this seemed like a rather elementary concept, but still. why.

 be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, 

as God in Christ forgave you.

ephesians 4:32

 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, 

so you also must forgive. 

colossians 3:13

reason  number one: Christ forgave me. i am called to forgive other people because Christ has forgiven me. it is as simple as that. if Christ kept the same grudges, held the same kind of distaste and bitterness for me that i did for other people, i would be dead. literally. and i would be spending eternity in hell. i am called to forgive others because He has forgiven me. 

 for if you forgive others their trespasses, 

your heavenly Father will also forgive you,

 but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, 

neither will your Father forgive your trespasses

matthew 6:14-15 

 do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.

1 peter 3:9

reason number two: we are promised forgiveness and blessings ourselves, if we forgive and bless others. this might be a bit more of a selfish reason, but matthew clearly states that if we do not forgive others our Father will not forgive us. 

love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.

luke 6:27-28

reason number three: we are called to love. we are not called to hate. we are called to love.

here's a secret. God created everyone. He designed everyone, everyone was made in the image of God. humans were created in the image of God, whether or not you believe in predestination. our image mirrors that of the Lord's. now this does not just mean our physical appearance, but rather our heart, our soul, our mind, our feelings, our being. it is all a part of our image, and that image is the same as the one who created us. therefore, our image was created holy, just as He is holy.

this means me, and the person i cannot seem to forgive, were both created by God. we are both being used by Him. we are both glorifying Him. we are both His children. ouch.

here's a second secret. humans are sinful beings, and therefore we are not perfect. our image is holy, but sin has corrupted that image. sin impacts us, but it does not impact the holiness of God. however, we are still sinners. no matter how hard we try to do things right, we are fallen human beings and therefore we will fail. others will fail. i will hurt someone else, and they will hurt me. this is a fact of life that cannot be changed, this side of the fall. the best we can do is to try our best, and trust God for the rest. 

here's the third and final secret, and this is something that God has revealed to me and taught me over the past six months. we serve a creative and vast and infinite God. because God and His might and power are so big, i, in my infinite and small mind, will never comprehend all that He is. never. i cannot. i do believe that He teaches and reveals different aspects of His character to different people. i think that this allows for the differentiation of conscience sometimes in compassion, as well as it is a testimony to the greatness of God. things affect people differently. for example, God has really been emphasizing the aspect of lukewarmness in my life. meaning? that if i am going to serve Him, i am going to serve Him with my whole life. lukewarmness is a very big deal to me, and super important. however, for someone else, God may be emphasizing His aspect of justice or His aspect of Christianity or something like that. God teaches different people different things. all a part of the same God, and glorifying the same God, but different from person to person. He works in people in different ways. 

so forgiveness, in some part comes down to trust. 

when it came to think about forgiving those people that i could not forgive, here's what i began to consider.

one, i had to realize that they too were a fallen being. they were not perfect, and they could not ever be perfect. 

two, they too were saved by grace. God uses them just as much as He uses me, and He loves them just as much as He loves me. this was a hard one to grasp at first, because it angered me that He could love them so much, just as He loved me, especially after how they had hurt me. but then i realized that they too were His children, and He loved them just as much as He loved me. 

three, provided that they were following Him, i had to learn to trust that God would change their lives. God has the power to do whatever He wants. He had the power to stop them from hurting me, but He didn't. He allowed it for some reason, and so it was up to me as to whether or not i was going to trust God to change their life. i am not responsible for others' relationships with God. i am only responsible for my own. and so all that i can do is to trust that He will work in others lives, because He can in powerful ways, in His own timing. 

we are called to forgive. we are commanded to forgive. this is between us and God. sometime this must be a choice, a choice to forgive others. but i have found that when you forgive, your life is much free-er than before. when you trust everything to God, you are free to just love with the love that He has shown and given you, and He will take care of the rest. i know this is not easy, believe me i know. but God has promised to never leave us or forsake us, and to give us the strength to do what He has called us to do. He has called us to forgive, so He will give us strength to forgive. 

so i ask you: who do you need to forgive, and how much longer are you going to allow them to hold you captive?

life is a battle.

When I was little, I thought that the worst word that could ever be used to describe me was selfish. And I never wanted to be described that way, because it meant that I didn't care about other people. Only myself. And to me, that was the biggest fault or the worst thing I could ever do: to not care about others but rather be only interested in my own life.

As Christians, we tend to live with a dual nature. We have the nature of sin, the nature we were born with. A nature that came as a result of the fall, as result of us choosing ourselves over God (essentially selfishness). However, we also have the nature of Grace, His nature, that comes to live in us when we accept that we are hopeless without Him, and we ask Him to save us. And while the ideal plan is that His nature overtake our sinful nature, often it is a struggle. And this is what I have come to find. That many times I feel like there is a war going on inside my heart and mind between my selfish nature, and His nature. And I wish I could say it is easy to choose His nature, every time, all the time. But often it is not. I find myself arguing, persuading, convincing myself that my sinful nature is indeed not that sinful. I struggle with desires and hopes, often desires and hopes that it appears God has given me, but I have a check in my spirit about them anyways and can almost always find a way to say they are not from God. In the last few weeks, God has revealed to me the many ways in which I am a selfish human being. The many ways in which I choose my own desire, my own comfort, my own **insert object of selfishness here** over His. I feel like Paul, when he writes in Romans:

"For what I do is not the good I want to do; 

no, the evil I do not want to do - this I keep on doing. 

So I find this law at work: when I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 

For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 

but I see another law at work in the members of my body, 

waging war against the law of my mind

 and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members." 

Romans 7:19, 21-23

It is a war. And many times I feel as if I am victim to it, as if I cannot do anything yet wander around in darkness hoping to stumble across the right decision or the strength to choose His will over mine. 

I was reading through a book the other day, Abide in Christ by Andrew Murray, and the chapter was on abiding in Christ and not in ourselves. Murray wrote the following:

"Believer, if you want to truly and fully abide in Christ,

 prepare yourself to part forever from self and not to allow it, 

even for a single moment, to have anything to say in your inner life" 

Page 231

This was such a difficult passage to read. We are called to abandon everything at the foot of the cross. Everything. And to not let our selfish, sinful desire back in for one moment. 

This is the calling of Christians. And this is such a high calling. It is a call of abandonment, a call of selflessness, a call of total surrender to Christ and His word. This is not easy, nor should it be taken lightly. 

However, Paul finishes out his thoughts in Romans 7 with this:

 "What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 

Thanks be to God - through Jesus Christ our Lord!" 

Romans 7:24-25

I find Paul's response here super interesting. He claims, and admits that he is a wretched man, and needs a savior and a rescuer. And he names that savior to be Jesus Christ, and gives thanks to God. But He does not give a solution to the problem, rather just chooses to rest in Christ to be His solution. And that is the answer I have come to find. This is a battle that we are fighting as Christians, but our only solution is to rest and trust in the Lord, and continue to thank Him and praise Him in everything. When things are good, praise Him. When things are bad, praise Him. When things are sad, praise Him. Praise Him in any and every situation. And trust that He will fight for us. 

"The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still"

Exodus 14:14

So essentially, the solution that I have come to is this: we are in the middle of a war. Satan does not want to lose you easily, and therefore life will feel like a battle. But take courage in this: the Lord will not give you more than you can handle (1 Corinthians 10:13), and He is fighting for you. You need to rest in Him and trust in Him, and allow Him to work in your life. And if we can get to the place that, selfishness or not, we are choosing to rest in Him, He will work in our areas of selfishness. He will draw us closer to Him, so close that we cannot resist Him. We are works in progress, and He who began that work will carry it out to completion (Philippians 1:6).

That being said, we are also called to rejoice in the Lord. We are not called to a life of depression but rather a life of joy in Him and His glory. He did create us with the desires we have, and often uses them for His glory and as a part of His plan, only if we delight in Him first. He is already delighting in us, and calls us to do the same. Rejoice in the Lord. And purpose to use your desires and hopes to His glory in the end. 

 "Abide thus in Him; He has promised to abide in you. 

He will teach you to be humble and watchful. 

He will teach you to be happy and trustful. 

Bring every interest of your life, every power of your nature, 

all the unceasing flow of thought and will and feeling that make up life, 

and trust Him to take the place that self once filled." 

Page 233

On a side note, Peru is going great! God has taught me so much, and I have made so many wonderful relationships down here I will be very sad to leave :( But I have seen Him work, and I have many stories I can hopefully post soon. Tomorrow is the 10 day mark, I can't believe it's almost over. Time sure does fly, but I am excited to see what all God is going to continue to do in these next 10 days as my time wraps up here. To my family, friends, and boyfriend...I miss you all dearly, but I will see you soon. Thank you so much for all of your prayers and encouragement, I can definitely feel them! 

¿Hablas Inglés?

Last week, I was working at ATRIO (a school) and I was talking with a little boy. Our conversation wasn't very complicated, but apparently I was speaking Spanish alright because about half way through our conversation he looks at me and goes, "are you our new Miss?" (well, in Spanish of course, with Miss meaning Teacher), and I responded "well yes, I am here to teach English." And the little boy got this excited look on his face and goes, "oh, do you speak ENGLISH??!" 

I started teaching at two different schools last week. The first is called ATRIO, and it is a school for 3-17 year olds, and I teach in every class from 3-17 year olds. I teach there on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Fridays from 8-2. Instead of leading conversation groups, I have been teaching their English classes. So the teacher will give me the book about five minutes before class and say "you need to teach this today", and then I teach whatever it is for the next 45 minutes. I've taught everything from grammar, food, transportation, culture, vocabulary, to helping students write papers about their summer vacations and famous people that they've heard of. I absolutely love the kids, they have so much energy, and they are so patient with me and my Spanish. Yesterday, I had three people tell me I'm adorable when I speak Spanish? Not sure if I want to be adorable, but I guess that's better than not being able to speak it :) I've gotten many questions about the color of my eyes and my hair, as well as how old I am and if I'm married, and if I'm going to marry Justin Bieber. These kids are pretty curious, and love to ask question after question after question, though I think some of their questions are definitely stalling tactics. While at first I had a hard time teaching and controlling some kids, I am learning a lot about what it means to teach a classroom and how to think on the fly. My lessons rarely go as I planned on them going, and I have to invent things on the spot quite often, which has just made me a bit nervous. I'm a twenty year old theology/music student, yet I'm being placed in front of a classroom where everyone thinks I'm a teacher and told to teach English, which happened to be my least favorite class in school. God has a funny sense of humor! However, I know that it is through my weaknesses, His strength and glory are displayed, that He is glorified and I can name numerous times where I have seen Him provide strength, peace, creativity, and the ability to teach. Yesterday, one of the teachers was sick and so I stepped in and taught all of her classes by myself. I really have enjoyed this experience and I am so thankful for it!

ATRIO School

Fourth Grade, Primary

Nicole and I

My lunch crew

The second school that I teach at is called Jean Piaget. I only teach there on Wednesday afternoons to their High School-ers, and this is more of a conversation group. I help them talk and practice English, as well as proof read papers and such. They surprised me last week with how good their English was, and they definitely have a passion to learn. I have one kid who wants to be an engineer, and another who wants to be an astrophysicist. They are brilliant kids, and I love working with them.

In addition to teaching at the schools, I'm also teaching SEEDS which began last week. We went from 12 kids the first meeting to 19 by the third, so it's growing. I've loved teaching here as well. The program is 3 hours long, and so I've had a bit of a problem keeping the kids involved but we are learning, as well as the Peruvian teachers are starting to take over the teaching which is encouraging to see since they will be continuing this program when I leave. The kids are learning, they just need lots of repetition and such.

Needless to say, I've been quite busy, teaching lots about English. I've had a couple different opportunities to hang out with people down here, which has been fun as well. I have enjoyed getting to know the youth, and working on their English as well.

God has been teaching me a lot, and convicting me in many areas during my time here in Perú. But the most challenging one has been this week and with the concept of Joy. We are saved in Christ Jesus, bought and paid for by His blood, therefore we have every reason to live in His love and Joy. However, often we do not. I know that I am so guilty of this, but we focus on the bad things in our lives rather than the good things, when in reality we have no reason to be sad. I know that life can be difficult, and that there are things that it is nearly impossible to rejoice in. However, we are commanded to "rejoice in the Lord always" (Phil. 4:13). Joy and happiness are not the same thing. Happiness is a feeling, where joy is a choice. Joy is choosing to rejoice in God and trust Him no matter what is going on, where as happiness is an emotion. Many times I think that I need happiness to be joyful, but if I were to choose to rejoice in the Lord and let His joy shine through me, then I would be joyful in Him, whether I was happy or not. Because in reality, I have been saved by His grace, by His sacrifice. He has given me a second chance at life, and chooses to work in my heart every day. He loves me, and has blessed me beyond measure. Where is my reason for sadness?  Why am I not rejoicing every day in His mercies?

As far as food goes, I definitely have stretched my taste buds. I have eaten everything I have been given, and have enjoyed almost all of it. I definitely ate a tomato during this trip and enjoyed it for the first time, as well as I ate guinea pig the first day (called Cuy, pronounced cooie), and I had cow stomach today at school (called Mondongito a Italiano). Also, one of the most popular foods is called Ceviche. It's essentially raw fish with onions and whatever other vegetables you want, mine also had corn, and then it's coated with lemon flavoring. It's super good, and definitely a favored food in Peru. As far as desserts go, my favorite has been Mazamorra. It's a warm, thick, syrupy desert that tastes a bit like cherry cough syrup. It's super sweet. I wasn't so sure about it the first time I ate it, but it definitely has grown on me and I enjoy it now. 

I want to thank you for all of your prayers and support. I have talked with many of you, and am always blessed and humbled by the fact that you are praying for me. I know that God is using your prayers, and I can feel them often. Thank you so much! I pray for you at home often, and hope that everything is going well. However, I would like to ask for continued prayers for:

-- the Serranos and their ministry with YMI Perú down here. God has opened up two opportunities to do Spanish sports camp with local churches in January and February, and is possibly opening more. YMI Perú is also opening up SEEDS in another church, with the possibility of opening more. So God is using them, but they cannot do anything without His will and His power, so just continued prayer of blessings on YMI Perú would be lovely. 

-- the English ministry down here, and that God would equip me to minister to these schools and be His light and His love and His joy

-- that my heart would be open to His will and His plan for ministry, not stuck to my own expectations. 

Thank you so very much! I have included more pictures below, and I hope that you all have a blessed week :) 

First day of work

Jean Piaget

ATRIO

Yes, this is a hot dog...with crunchy french fries

Dancing!

Combi ride

¡¡Dios se bendiga!!
Taylor